50 Shades of shit

50 Shades of Grey  Shit! “I am a moth, and he is the light.”
“I always wonder if I am worthy of him.” Anastasia Steele, where is your self-worth?! This is not the common mentality of a dom/sub relationship. Not in the slightest.

50 Shades plot

Fifty Shades of Grey tells us the story of a successful and sexually appealing business man, Christian Grey, and a young and naive college graduate, Anastasia Steele. Our virginal protagonist is exposed to the world of bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism (BDSM). Following so far?
For a large majority of the viewers of this film or readers of this novel (though we use the term loosely!), this will be their first exposure and impression of BDSM, allowing a large range of reactions from ‘well, it’s just a bit rapey,’ to ‘this is so hot – we have to try this tonight’. Wherever you stand on the scale is absolutely fine, but you should know that it’s highly unrealistic, regarding those associated with BDSM both in and outside of the bedroom.

Mr Grey’s troubled mind

Let’s take a peek inside the mind of our troubled male protagonist, Christian Grey. He comes across as “fifty shades of fucked up”, (his words, not ours!) due to his troubled backstory. His “crack-whore” of a mother neglected him, and he was later sexually abused by an older woman. Even this is slightly romanticised in the novel. We can confirm that Miss Steele is aware that this abuse turned him into the person he is, and the person she (all-too-quickly) falls in love with. Now, I like a backstory as much as the next person. We, as human beings, love to try and figure out why a certain person’s’ behaviour is the way it is. The author highly implies that Christian’s love of violent sex stems from his unfortunate childhood.
But here’s the catch.
Most BDSM lovers are not victims of psychological trauma. In fact, research over the past few decades suggest that those who engage in BDSM are just as psychologically healthy as those with more ‘vanilla’ interests. You don’t have to go through a troubled childhood to enjoy a bit of spanking or playing with some saucy sex toys.

Fantasy to reality

The sexual acts in Fifty Shades mirror those that BDSM lovers engage in. Saying that though, it’s the way in which they are carried out that sets apart fantasy from reality. This book promotes male pleasure being dominant, while female pleasure being submissive. Anastasia often remarks using her narrative that this isn’t what she wanted. She’d often stay quiet when she was uncomfortable as she wished to please Mr.Grey, and this is what is different, and almost insulting, to those who practice BDSM. If you thought their sex was a little rapey, it’s most probably due to her wish to suffer to please.

Safe, sane and consensual

Practitioners of BDSM work with the motto “safe, sane and consensual.” Safewords are essential, and communication is the key to an enjoyable dom/sub relationship. Mr Grey, however, explains that “lovers don’t need safe words.” Let’s bare in mind, shall we, that Anastasia Steele was a virgin before she met Christian. How would she know that he was wrong? Consent is never optional. Not in the worlds of BDSM, ‘vanilla’ sex, group sex or any other type of kink you’re interested in.

Watch this space for a true representation of the life of BDSM. Fifty Shades, though entertaining to some, is a misrepresentation of a dominant and submissive relationship: communication and consent is the key, which doesn’t play a role in a large majority of Miss Steele and Mr Grey’s sex life. In fact, quotes like “please don’t hit me,” “you scare me when you’re angry” and “why am I feeling guilty? Why is he so mad?” should be on a woman’s refuge poster. Submissives, in reality, are disgusted by this message: that those who are interested in submission are meek and powerless women. Being submissive is actually a source of incredible power – and relies on strong communication and a sense of safety. Fifty Shades of Grey is, in reality, Fifty Shades of Bollocks!

For Kittens and Toms interested in BDSM, why not try one of our Torture Kittens events, a self indulgent journey through Heaven and Hell, mixing sensory overload with the notorious Killing Kittens debauchery giving you a match made in hedonistic hell.