Becoming Kitten and proud (part1)

Sharing in peoples KK journeys is one of the highlights in our world.

Here we hear from Kitten M, who shares how she became Kitten and proud!

Down the liberating rabbit hole, we go!

Life’s journey often takes twists and turns one would never expect. One year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined the wonderfully delicious rabbit hole I recently ventured in to.

I was living the suburban housewife dream, happily married with 2.4 kids—or so I thought.

I often fantasised about what life would be like if I were footloose and fancy-free. Would I enjoy dating? Would I meet the man of my dreams? What would it be like sleeping with someone new? I did not realise then that the sexual hunger I held within would become so important and impactful during the eye-opening journey ahead.

There was I, slightly on the wrong side of 40, two kids under 5, and single. Yes, single. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be—this wasn’t my life plan.

At that point, I was expecting to be in the full-on mummy zone, whingeing about how my husband was never around to bathe the kids and spending my spare time researching debauched weekends in Mykonos, away from said kids. Oh, and of course, having a successful career and managing the home and family. It was all part of the routine, day-to-day life for a middle-class mummy from Northwest London.

Then I got divorced.

Entering the unknown

It all changed—at my request—but it still changed. And I found myself single for the first time in 10 years.

What was I to do? I was very excited about dating and the unknown, but being out of the scene so long, I was definitely a bit green, especially when it came to the world of modern apps.

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For years, I would take my friends phones at every (drunken) opportunity and swipe to my heart’s content. Oh, it was soooo much fun; look at all the men, he’s fit, say yes to him, oooohhh, look at his abs. So I did what any self-respecting newly-single woman would do in that situation. I joined the deceptively intriguing world of Tinder. And it was great at first; all those men, just one swipe away from flirtation.

Dipping into dating apps

The first guy I matched with seemed cool. He was 49 (I definitely wanted older), successful (I definitely wanted richer) and seemed attractive enough. We started chatting and seemed to click. I thought, ‘This is easy; what are all my single friends complaining about?’

Tinder seemed to be an untapped resource of eligible men, so quite early into the chat, he told me he was very into sex, having an extremely high sex drive that needed attention and servicing at every opportunity.

Honestly, my first feeling on this was indifference.

Sure, if I fancied him, we could have shitloads of sex, but I was neither here nor there about it. In hindsight, it appeared that I had lost my mojo.

I had spent so long in a loveless and sexless relationship that I had lost sight of my sexuality. It was no longer part of my identity and held little importance to me.

We arranged to meet the following week for a drink, and as far as I was concerned, I was done—I’d met my next boyfriend. How naïve I was!

The day before our meeting, he text me to say something had come up and could no longer make it. We didn’t arrange to meet again, and I was genuinely upset as to what had happened.

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Internet dating reality #1: People on apps are flaky.

I soon learned that people too often disappear, and I was actually lucky that he had contacted me to tell me the date was off. Anyway, I was upset for all of 5 minutes and started swiping again almost immediately—all was good in my world.

We did manage to stay in touch, and I later found out he was actually 59 rather than 49, as stated initially. “All my friends say I look 49. Don’t you think I look younger?”

And so to the world of dating

Over the next few months, I dated, dated, and dated.

I met some nice sweet guys, some arrogant, obnoxious guys, fit guys, and not so fit guys.

Usually, some information was omitted from their profiles—often their true age (see above). It could also be their marital status, their 5-stone weight gain, or in some cases, their real photo/identity. I never understood how this could ever work for them.

Internet dating reality #2: People lie—all the time.

I’d have a few good dates, and it would be time to get down and dirty—the three date rule was still golden to me. In each case (and there were only a few), I would be left feeling disappointed when it came to doing the deed. I was a bit like a caged animal, starved of genuine carnal desire for such a long time; when I felt it, I was a bit like a fat kid in a cake shop. Fucking ravenous.

I was picking out the ‘sweet’ guys; I wanted someone to help heal my broken heart and take care of me like a true gent. Unfortunately, my voracious appetite for sex and all things naughty didn’t match with the ‘sweet girl that needed taking care of’ role I had portrayed at every opportunity. They were terrified. The look on man’s face when we got down to it, and I suggested playing with his bum, will never, ever leave me. Never. It goes without saying that he didn’t want to see me again.

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At this point, I started to reconnect with my naughty side and who I really was. BM (before marriage), I revelled in being open-minded and devouring hedonistic pleasure and experiences. I wanted to try everything and loved every sweet moment of it. It was such a large part of my identity that I had hidden away deeply for so, so long. And finally, it was resurfacing. Strongly. I was in need of a sexual renaissance.

That was when I met Alex, and we decided to go to a KK party. That’s a tale for Part 2!

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