Becoming Kitten and proud (part1)

Sharing in peoples KK journeys is one of the highlights in our world. Here we hear from Kitten M, who shares how she became Kitten and proud!

Life’s journey often takes twists and turns one would never expect. One year ago I wouldn’t have imagined the wonderfully delicious rabbit hole I have recently ventured in to. I was living the suburban housewife dream, happily married with 2.4 kids, or so it appeared. I often fantasised about what life would be like if I was footloose and fancy-free. Would I like dating? Would I meet the man of my dreams? What would it be like sleeping with someone new? I did not realise then the sexual hunger I held within, nor how this would become so important and impactful in my eye-opening journey ahead.

So there I was, slightly on the wrong side of 40, 2 kids under 5, and single. Yes single. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t my life plan. Right at that point, I was expecting to be in full on mummy zone, whingeing about how my husband was never around to bathe the kids and spending my spare time researching debauched weekends in Mykonos, away from said kids. Oh, and of course having a successful career and managing the home and family. All normal day to day life for a middle-class mummy from northwest London. But then I got divorced.

The Unknown

It all changed, at my request, but it still changed. And I found myself single for the first time in 10 years. What was I to do? I was very excited about dating and the unknown, but being out the scene so long I was definitely a bit green around the edges about the world of modern apps. For years, I would take my friends phones at every (drunken) opportunity and swipe to my heart’s content; oh this is soooo much fun, look at all the men, he’s fit, say yes to him, oooohhh look at his abs. So I did what any self-respecting newly-single woman would do in that situation. I joined the deceptively intriguing world of tinder. And it was great at first. All these men, just a swipe away from flirtation.

So the first guy I matched with seemed cool, he was 49 (I definitely wanted older), successful (I definitely wanted richer) and seemed attractive enough. We started chatting and seemed to click; I thought this is easy, what are all my single friends complaining about?! Tinder seemed to be an untapped resource for eligible men. So quite early on into the chat, he told me he was very into sex, having an extremely high sex drive that needed attention and servicing at every opportunity. Honestly, my first feeling on this was indifference. Sure, if I fancied him we could have shitloads of sex, but I was neither here nor there about it. In hindsight, I had lost my mojo. I had spent so long in a loveless and sexless relationship that I had lost sight of my own sexuality. It was no longer part of my identity and held little importance to me. We arranged to meet the following week for a drink and as far as I was concerned, I was done, I’d met my next boyfriend. How naïve I was! The day before the meeting he texts me to say something had come up and he could no longer make it. We didn’t arrange to meet again and I was genuinely upset as to what had happened. Internet dating reality #1: people on apps are flaky. People often disappear and I was actually lucky he had contacted me to tell me the date was off. Anyway, I was upset for all of 5 minutes and start swiping again so all was good in my world. We did actually stay in touch and I later found out he was in fact 59 rather than the 49 originally stated (all my friends say I look 49, don’t you think I look younger?).

Dating

Over the next few months, I dated dated dated. I met some sweet nice guys, some arrogant obnoxious guys, fit guys, not so fit guys. Usually, there was some information they had omitted from their profile; this was often their true age (see above), but could also be their marital status, their 5 stone weight gain or in some cases their real photo/identity (I never understood how this could ever work for them). Internet dating reality #2: people lie, all the time. I’d have a few good dates and it would be time to get down and dirty (the three date rule was still golden to me) and in every case (there were only a few), when it came down to doing the deed, I would be left feeling disappointed. I was a bit like a caged animal; having been starved of true carnal desire for such a long time, when I felt it, I was a bit like a fat kid in a cake shop. Fucking ravenous.

So I was picking the ‘sweet’ guys, I wanted someone to help heal my broken heart and take care of me like a true gent. Unfortunately, my voracious appetite for sex and all things naughty didn’t match with the sweet girl needing taking care of role I had portrayed at every opportunity. They were terrified. The look on one of their faces when we got down to it and I suggested playing with his bum will never ever leave me. Never. It goes without saying he didn’t see me again.

It was at this point, I started remembering my naughty side and who I really was. BM (before marriage) I reveled in being open-minded and devouring hedonistic pleasure and experiences. I wanted to try everything and loved every sweet moment of it. This was such a large part of my identity that I had hidden away deeply for so so long. And it was resurfacing. Strongly. I was in need of a sexual renaissance.

And that was when I met Alex and we decided to go to a KK party, but that tale is for Part 2!

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