Carrie Bradshaw, The submissive

Crazy question…what would’ve happened if Carrie Bradshaw had dated Christian Grey?

Sex And The City was pure magic. If you were anything like me, you spent the early 2000s watching every week, trying your darnedest to emulate those four icons. I had diner brunches, drank cosmos, and had walks of shame amid smoking manholes. I lived a wannabe SATC life in NYC and loved every minute.

Fast forward a decade and enter a new female sensation: Fifty Shades of Grey. How many of us read those books—in secret, in the car, online at the grocery store, before bed—and were dying to have the kind of sex Christian and Anastasia were having? How many of us never even knew about Dominance and Submission before that series but soon began to fill our search engines with research? And finally—and this is the important part, mamas—how many of us wanted our husbands to act like Mr. Grey and dominate us?


At the time, I didn’t question the spike in my libido nor my curiosity at being dominated. Every other woman I knew was having the same primal response and conducting the same boundary-pushing experiments as were happening in my bedroom. It seemed like we were all on the same train heading for fantasy land together.

That is, until most of my peers got off and resumed their normal sex lives. I, however, stayed on the ride. Turns out I liked submitting and wanted to keep doing it. I wasn’t at Anastasia’s level but I liked not being in charge sexually. Who the hell knew?!

Where does SATC become entwined in my musings about BDSM? One day, during a binge-watching session, I had a crazy thought: what would’ve happened if Carrie found herself dating a guy who wanted her to submit?

My best guess is there would’ve been a torrent of WHYS typed out on that laptop by the window. Why does he need me to do this? Why am I letting him do this? Why do I like it so much? Why do I have a rulebook I have to follow? WHY WHY WHY. And while Carrie’s MO was angst and uneasiness, is it possible being a sub would’ve calmed her constant need to ask WHY? Maybe, right?

As lots of us know, submission provides the sublime luxury of never having to ask WHY. As a sub you DO. Those that submit will say there’s nothing freer than not thinking. Submission removes the self-analysis and the self-doubt. Seems to me Carrie could’ve benefited from eliminating both. And often.

In the words of Carrie herself, I couldn’t help but wonder if being Christian’s submissive would’ve given her the emotional stability she so desperately craved in each episode.

If Carrie was our heroine—and she most certainly was— then she deserved what we all craved after reading Fifty Shades of Grey: DOMINATION BY A SKILLED LOVER.

But that’s not what she got. She got Mr. Big. We went through that whole journey with her, sat as a witness to all her pain and suffering, and all we gave her, in the end, was a guy who constantly disappointed and made her insecure. Christian, on the other hand, while challenging and difficult, might’ve given our dear Carrie the peace and confidence she so desperately sought for all those beloved seasons.

So, where does that leave our heroine? My gut is if Carrie dated Christian, she would’ve struggled with being out of control. And I have a hunch Christian would’ve gotten frustrated by her discomfort and anxiety. After all, he hates fidgeting. So maybe it wouldn’t have been a match made in fictional heaven. But if that ever became a spin-off, I’d sure as hell watch.