How to sext and where to start?
A highly requested blog post from our KK members. We’re looking at what sexting is, how to start sexting and whether sexting is cheating.
You’ve had a mundane, routine-inspired day. Maybe you’ve taken the kids to school and headed into work, maybe you’ve been in back to back meetings since nine o’clock, or maybe you’ve spent the day watching ‘Orange is the New Black’ (the new season is epic btw). But it’s true that routine and our busy schedules in this day and age has had a massive impact on our sex lives. That being: it has decreased the amount of sex we are having. And who can blame us? The pressures of modern society are giving us no time at all to feel sexy. Wherever you work has higher expectations of working hours, being a mother is harder than ever – what are we meant to do? And soon, due to routine, you may find that feeling sexy doesn’t really fit into our schedule. But we’re here to stop that. And it’s all so simple.
What is sexting?
If you’re anything like me, talking dirty is a concept that turns my face into a tomato, heats it up like lava and makes me want to hide in a hole. And it’s not because I don’t like the idea of dirty talk – in fact, I believe it could be one of the sexiest ways to communicate. It’s just getting the words out. And when you’re put under pressure with no prior warning, people tend to blank, which leads to something crippling embarrassing like ‘uh… Hump me with your mega-cock?’
We’re going to avoid the term ‘mega-cock’ for the rest of eternity, and this post should leave you feeling excited and well prepared to partake in tantalising, teasing, and oh so sexy examples of the filth you can create from the English language. This post will specifically look at sexting. I personally love sexting; mainly because I don’t physically say the filth that I send from my phone. Writing and speaking are two very different forms of communications; if you’ve been trying to get your partner to do something but haven’t plucked up the courage to ask for it: enter sexting.
The most important thing when considering dirty talk is to build your confidence and to do this in small steps. If going straight in is something that you’re slightly nervous about, why not try sexting first? It’s a brilliant way to build sexual tension throughout the day, and plus – you don’t have to get embarrassed as you’re simply typing the words rather than saying them out loud. Like I said, it’s about fitting sexiness into your routine. You can do this absolutely anywhere, at any time. So, here’s my top tips for sexting:
- Know that you don’t have to be Charles Dickens to send some sexy lingo. (Although, that would be gross. You’ll never be able to read ‘A Christmas Carol’ in the same way ever again!) If you have a particular talent and flare for writing, use it, but don’t be discouraged if you feel that it’s not your strong point. You’re sexy, and that is the talent we will be using today.
- Time your sexting sessions well. The beauty of sexting is driving your partner crazy when they can’t have you. There’s something extremely animalistic and raw about it. Try it while they’re at work. They won’t be expecting it and you’ll hold a ridiculous amount of sexual power. Power is so sexy.
- Don’t run before you can walk! Think of it like sex – you wouldn’t generally get straight into it, right? You’d do a little kissing, a little hand action and build your way up to it. Receiving a horny text is great, but build that tension by creeping up to it. Tease them with your words.
- Detail is key! I mean, what sounds sexier to you? : ‘I want you to fuck me’ or ‘I want your body so bad, as your lips hungrily kiss mine while you slowly slide inside me’. Detail creates tension, and just like the physical act of sex, you’re trying to build tension before the main climax (linguistically speaking, it’d be the end of your ‘story’). Describe everything – each touch, kiss, grab, spank and bite.
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions – it’ll boost your confidence, which will lead to you having less inhibitions. The response to ‘would you like that?’ and ‘how badly do you want me right now?’ will make you feel like a goddess.
How to start sexting
Those tips are all well and good if you know where to start. Usually getting started is the trickiest part – especially if it doesn’t come naturally to you. My advice would be to start off by asking a question. Something simple works, such as ‘do you know what I’m thinking about right now?’ or link it back to a particularly raunchy sex sesh. ‘I can’t stop thinking about that time…’
My last tip is to make sure you feel comfortable with the words you are saying. Don’t say things you don’t mean just for effect. If the bum is out of bounds, then don’t tell your partner that you want it up your arse. They’ll hold you to it! Remember that the sexual power that comes with sexting is YOURS. Now go and own it and make that phone buzz until they come home. Then it’s their turn.
Is sexting cheating?
We should also consider the question: ‘is sexting cheating?’. Unfortunately, there’s no straight-up answer to this. It’s not a black and white question to some relationships, while to others it certainly is. It goes back to that communication thing. You need to make sure your partner is aware of what you are doing. Some people feel that it’s not cheating as you’re not physically engaging in any intimacy with others, but that said, some people feel that it’s more intimate than sex. It really does depend on both your viewpoint and your partner’s as well. If you have any doubts, think about what your teachers told you when you were in primary school: “would you like it if they did that to you?”. If you wouldn’t mind, approach the subject. If it makes you feel uneasy, chances are they feel that way too.
Sexting is a class A tool to spice up your relationship. But what happens when you used sexting to spice things up, and now the excitement has vanished, and it’s become routine like everything else? First of all, please let me stress that this is not the case for everyone. But if you over-use it, then sometimes it can become routine. That leads me to my final piece of advice: sext as a treat. Sext as a surprise. Do not let your partner think “it’s 4 o’clock. I’ll get a raunchy text soon.” But, if you want to make your sext even hotter, you can always add some photos. And it’s not all ass and titties. There’s something super hot about your index finger pressed against your lips, with your mouth slightly open. There’s some serious talent to these photos, and they are guaranteed to make you feel absolutely ravishing.
Sexting is one of my favourite things to do. It keeps my relationship fresh and reminds me that I am both wanted by my partner, but also: damn, I’m hot! I guarantee that if you try it, you’ll feel exactly the same way. Now get typing and drive your partner crazy!
Hello, I’m Kitten E, Editor of the KK blog and Social and Content Manager for the Group. I’m passionate about educating people about sex in order to remove stigmas and judgment. Want to write for KK? Drop us an email