This month is national masturbation month and to celebrate we’re looking at why you should add orgasms into your self care routine.
There’s a lot of taboo revolving around female masturbation. For some reason, society seems to accept that men masturbate somewhat frequently, but the moment a woman masturbating is mentioned, everyone scrunches their face up and becomes the typical awkward Brit about it. This article aims to spread the message that not only is masturbation completely natural in both genders but that women should embrace it and make it part of their self-care routine.
We live in a world where stress seems to have become the norm. With working hours on the increase and expectations rising, self-care seems to have taken a back seat. Masturbation can be a fairly simple way of ensuring you keep calm and relaxed and can also improve your sex life with your partner! This is due to the fact that once you know what you like, you’ll be able to direct your partner to pleasure you exactly how you want to.
Masturbation is usually more about release than sex itself, which, as a result, helps your anxiety and stress levels reduce and keep them on a lower scale. Many people view masturbation as a “solo sex act”, which it certainly can be. That said, it can also simply be a way to care for yourself and keep yourself relaxed: a sensation of relief which can also come from writing down your feelings or ranting to someone. Endorphins are released, and it can be overwhelming at first, but once you’ve added it into your self-care routine (be that monthly, weekly or daily), you’ll find that you feel refreshed, calm and good about yourself. And the best part? No massive bill that comes with it, unlike face masks, special bubble baths and detox juices or tea!
Whether you’ve given yourself a little treat once, a hundred times or never before, it’s important that we shed the skin of disapproval and disgust. Being able to pleasure yourself should come before having someone pleasure you, as you are able to guide and direct them in the right physically stimulating direction. With this self-care programme, you are able to understand your own body inside and out (sorry, not sorry). Tune into your own body, give yourself over to the concept of release and relaxation and experiment with different speeds, pressures and angles.
Vaginas are Unique
Every woman is highly unique, and as a result, all of their vaginas are also as distinct as a fingerprint. Because of this, everyone will hit the big O from different physical stimulation. You may be one of the small 20% who orgasm from penetration, but chances are you’re from the remaining 80% who need clitoral stimulation to get off. With 8,000 deliciously sensitive nerve endings lying within the clitoris, we smash the penis hands down, who have half of these nerve endings in the penis glans. You’d think, then, that it’d be super easy to discover what makes you tick if you are smothered in all of these nerve endings. Sorry, ladies, but sometimes that isn’t the case! For some women, it may take a while to discover the precise angle, movement and pressure you use. But stick with it! Even if you don’t reach orgasm for a while, it will still feel awesome and you’ll still get some sort of relief from it. And when you do manage to cum – stress will rise off of you like steam!
Masturbation allows you to engage in the process of mindfulness. If you’re anything like me, the first you would have heard of this process is at a work team building day. Hang on! That’s not what I mean! I don’t recall all of us whipping out dildos and learning how to masturbate in a group! Mindfulness is the art of feeling – it’s about focusing on the areas of our body that we often don’t even acknowledge; like our fingertips. It’s focusing your mind on these areas and getting in touch with what we can actually sense. By slotting masturbation into your self-care programme, you’re actually focusing on sensation and pleasure. I’m not saying that you should have the question “but what does this actually feel like?” Running through your head whilst you’re at it. What I’m saying is that you should throw the concept of orgasming out of the window and simply ask yourself “does this feel good?”. Making your goal “I want to be able to know my body and know what makes me feel good” rather than “I want to cum so hard that I see stars” will take the pressure off of you and allow you to understand all of your physical quirks and unique turn-ons. It’s for this very reason that I don’t recommend watching porn (at least at the beginning). Simply get to know your body, and let your brain wander, all the while thinking “am I enjoying this sensation?”
Set the Scene
Make sure you set the scene. Just like we spend (in my case) hundreds of pounds on candles, incense and relaxing music, we should put the same amount of effort into setting the scene to explore our bodies. I highly recommend using scented candles, make sure you feel attractive in yourself. For me, that means making sure the lighting is right. As ridiculous as that sounds, I can lose myself a lot more freely if I have a certain amount of lighting on my face. Make sure you feel beautiful, and you’ll feel instantly more relaxed. Another way of boosting the relaxation is to pick a time whereby you know you won’t be distracted or overheard. This may be difficult if you have children, but give yourself some breathing space: don’t go into this with fear of being caught because it will put you on edge (which is obviously the complete opposite to what we’re aiming for!).
Another top tip is to envision your body as a heat map. Consider the various body parts and rate how pleasurable they are. If the heat map doesn’t do it for you, then potentially think about different colours. This will ensure that you are reflecting and truly living in the moment without any other distractions. It will encourage mindfulness and concentration, whilst also allowing you to evaluate what does or does not work for you.
Finally, please take the time to reflect on what you have achieved. Whether you have or have not orgasmed, ask yourself: “How did that go? What did I like? What didn’t I like?”. This will then inform your next sesh. You can continue with the things you did like, dismiss the things you didn’t and explore the sensations you haven’t tried yet. Start slow, perhaps scheduling in for once a week, and build more ‘you time’ around this. As I stated before, every woman is different, we all have different commitments and work lives, so I appreciate that it may be difficult to find the time. Saying that, I promise that if you stick with it, you’ll have a deeper understanding of your own body, what feels good for you and a massive stress decrease.
Now, go and set the mood – light your candles, let the aroma of vanilla or fresh cotton fill the room, get sexy and make the time to rediscover yourself; again and again and again. I guarantee you won’t regret it!
Hello, I am Kitten T the Editor of #itsakittensworld, passionate about sexual liberation and anything which encourages female sexual empowerment. I Love horses! You can follow me on Twitter for my latest views on the world of KK