Recently on a KK chat with someone, I was called a MILF (Mom I’d Like to F*ck). It’s a word I hear a lot and can relate to. I’m a Mom of two beautiful children and yes, I’m hot!
But this word, and the context that it was used in, triggered pure anger. I couldn’t understand why it was upsetting me so much. I sat on it for a day, didn’t respond and tried not to think about it. But it stewed up inside of me, I felt myself getting angrier the more I tried to ignore it.
I was conflicted with knowing, that undeniably, yes I AM a MILF, but I was so angry.
It’s not what was said, it’s who said it!
I reached out to my Kitten friends to try and make sense of my anger and maybe a bit of hurt thrown in. One person absolutely nailed it for me. To paraphrase, she said “it’s not the word that has upset you, it’s the person who said it”.
She was so right. This person had said it in the third message he’d sent to me. He didn’t know me from Adam, didn’t even know my name, and yet he felt it was OK to call me a MILF. To some, that’s ok, but for me, it was a huge red flag.
My new connection was, very politely, told that I didn’t appreciate his choice of words and that I wouldn’t be talking to him anymore. He profusely apologised, which I appreciated, but I wasn’t comfortable talking to him again. We parted ways very amicably.
Trigger Words
However, this has made me think of words that are triggers for me, both positive and negative.
I’m Irish and everyone I come in contact with is called “love”. From my nearest and dearest to the pizza delivery guy. “Thanks, love” is a very common phrase that passes my lips. Since joining the wonderful world of Killing Kittens I’ve learned that the use of words can have such strong effects on people. For example, calling someone a “Good Girl” drives some women crazy with lust, but others can be filled with disgust.
“Lucky bitch” can literally mean, wow, you are so lucky, I wish I was too. But to some being called a ‘bitch’ can be so upsetting, they may really be affected.
“Sorry” can annoy one person but mean the world to another. Babe, sweetie – for some these might be cute, but for others they may be irritating, upsetting or reminders of something (or someone) they’d rather forget.
Be mindful
It’s not about stopping yourself from saying these words, we are only human after all, and can type the way we talk (which for me is a lot). It’s about knowing your audience. Find out who you are talking to and build respect with the KK community, not just for yourself but for others too. It’s about respecting the person reading the message you’ve sent, and it’s about knowing that a message can read completely different to the words spoken in person.
So…have manners, be respectful and above all, be considerate. People can often appreciate the opportunity to tell you about themselves, so don’t make assumptions!
Written by the Killing Kittens team.