BDSM & Kink

An Introduction To Chastity

For the final piece in his three-part series on orgasm denial, Ralph Greco Jr. takes a look at all things chastity.
by Raplh Greco, Jr.
6 Dec 2021

UPDATED: 3 Apr 2023


From the mild to the wild, orgasm denial is a powerful way to play with pleasure during masturbation and or partnered interactions. For some people, denying or being denied becomes a core part of their life outside of sex. These lifestylers – people who bring aspects of kink into their everyday lives, rather than solely exploring as part of sex – may employ devices, rules, and longer periods of denial, lifting orgasm denial to a whole other level: chastity.

Language note: This article and the terms used within are intentionally gender non-specific, as we intend for this piece to be broad in gender application. The words “cock” and  “penis” are used with absolutely no gender specificity assigned to any term. We would like to acknowledge that not everyone uses the same words to describe their parts and that not all bodies appear the same or function in the same way. It is our intention to be mindful and inclusive of trans, enby, GNC, gender expansive, 2 Spirit, and intersex experiences as we want the information contained within to benefit as many expansive identities as possible. 

We hope that you enjoy reading this article, and that it helps you to find new ways to experience and or give pleasure! We welcome feedback at

Merriam-Webster defines chastity as “the quality or state of being chaste” and “abstention from all sexual intercourse”. The ultimate expression of this for some people just might be locking one’s genitals in some sort of chastity device, whereas others may prefer to engage in an honour-based system, where a partner may swear to another (or to themselves) that they will remain chaste. More on that in a moment. Firsly, we will consider some of the wonderful adult chastity toys out there, as well as look at just what this kind of denial might bring about.

Chastity Cages, Panties, and Locks…Oh My

Editor’s Note: The links to XRBrands and Access Denied below contain explicit nudity and are NSFW. Though endorsed as a shop by the author, the site contains language around bodies and experiences that is limited in how it addresses gender beyond binary conceptions. We would like to inform our intersex, trans, non-binary, and gender-expansive readers in advance of visiting the site.

Josh Ortiz, a transmasculine professional Dom/Sir as well as the Brand Ambassador & Sex Educator for (Editors Note: NSFW) XR a leading manufacturer of everything kink, says that chastity devices hold a special place in his sexual explorations: “A chastity device is that sexy little something under your clothes that lets you know stigma shattering pleasure is in your very near future, but also the very thing that can cause tremendous discomfort if you so much as think about our plans for more than a mere moment.”

There are numerous chastity devices available these days for a vast array of genders and bodies. Made of various materials, some of these devices are designed to be worn discreetly, whereas others feature lots of accessories and can be more noticeable under clothes. 

Don’t expect your first pair of denial panties or cock cage to be perfect; this is not a one-size-fits-all pursuit. It’s prudent to do some research on the specific sites that sell these devices, with most well-equipped adult toy shops stocking some sort of chastity device. If you want to spend more time in chastity, it will pay dividends to seek out chastity device specialists, with sizing charts, reviews, and posted advice from chastity devotees. You may even want to go bespoke, with sites such as (Editor’s Note: NSFW) Access Denied building each belt based on customer measurements. 

Chastity Device Safety and Hygiene

As is true of most sex toys manufactured at the moment, chastity devices should always be made of body-safe materials. Retailers should specify whether or not their products are phthalate-free, with most moving towards the elimination of phthalates in their products (phthalates are chemicals that help soften and increase the flexibility of plastics, but which can leave toxic traces that have been linked to a variety of health issues). The modern-day chastity device is also usually constructed in such a way so the wearer can freely avail themselves of their daily ablutions without needing to remove the device or having to clean it beyond the wearer taking their usual shower or bath. 

If a lock is being used to keep the chastity device closed, it’s always a good idea to make sure that the keyholder has more than one key (lots of devices come with at least two anyway). Always keep a spare key in a safe and obvious place, just in case. 

There are even devices for chastity play that are not, in and of themselves, cages or belts. Some devices aim to focus pleasure solely on another partner, such as dildo gags or ‘hollow penis’ devices, both of which allow for penetration with stimulation reserved only for the receiver. Even underwear, whether a pair of tight pants, a thong, or a dance belt, can work as a denial device, especially when combined with an honour system. 

Free Of The Cage But Not Free Of Chastity

For some, chastity can be felt more acutely when one is not under lock and key of a device. ‘Honor-system’ chastity play (in essence, “I won’t because you told me not to”) can be harder to enact or (consensually) enforce, but for some it’s all the more erotic for being totally between the ears. This is not just orgasm denial or edging, although these concepts are part of what some players are after here. This approach to chastity is about devotion, and for some, even a form of ownership. Devices certainly speak to these ideas, but self-control, when temptation would be so easy to access, can lead to a much more intense relationship with chastity, both for those denying and those being denied. 

Cautions Of Duration/Lifestyle Chastity

Whether one is under the (literal or metaphorical) lock and key of a lover’s desire or denying themselves for a long time, how long you will remain or should keep your lover in chastity is the significant point to this particular play. Always aim for short periods of time to begin with: when getting used to a device, wear it for ten minutes to test how it works and feels, slowly building up time and tolerance. It’s essential to notice and act on how each player reacts when exploring chastity. Everyone should work hard to be alert to the onset of distress, or disorientation; these emotions have been reported to sometimes occur when one has their genitals locked in a device and are denied the freedom to touch their body as they may usually have. 

The most important thing is to communicate with everyone involved, discussing chastity before attempting to involve it in play of any kind. Communicate after play, too: perhaps you enjoyed the play but for very different reasons to the ones expected, which is a useful discovery. It’s also totally fine to discover that, actually, chastity isn’t for you after all. You wouldn’t be the only one! Simply put, some people find chastity is not all that it was locked up to be. 

Many online chastity posts and medical literature suggest that a person with a penis denied orgasm for a prolonged period should undergo regular prostate ‘milkings’. Releasing seminal fluid by manual stimulation can possibly aid in keeping the person healthy if denied for long periods of time. 

Certainly, if anyone experiences pain at any time during chastity play, the device should be removed and play halted immediately. If there are persistent problems, or a new and unfamiliar pain occurs, we recommend that you seek advice from a medical professional, whether that is your doctor or someone at a sexual health clinic. 

 And while you should proceed with caution when sexually denying yourself or anyone else (please do keep that key handy!), delving deeper into the more intense play of chastity requires partners to work at building and maintaining trust.

Knowing how to twist a key into a lock is just not enough.