Health & Wellness

How To Build Confidence

Confidence is an important part of how we relate ourselves to the world. But how do we become confident, and how do we connect that confidence to our sex lives?
by KK
1 Jul 2020

UPDATED: 3 Nov 2022


Having confidence can be so sexy, and it can play an essential part in having a great sex life. Here, confidence coach and sensual dance instructor Lidianna Ghebrehiwot talks you through how to start building your confidence!

To lay yourself bare, with another human, requires a certain degree of confidence, right? We don’t always feel confident, but we are all beautiful and should be assured in knowing that.

How To Be More Confident

This is a question, I get asked very often, being a Confidence Coach and a Sensual Dance Instructor.

First of all, let’s clarify the definition of the word ‘Confidence’, to make sure that we are all on the same page.

According to Cambridge English Dictionary, Confidence is, “the quality of being certain of your abilities”. Confidence comes from the latin word ‘fidere’ which means ‘to trust’; therefore, having self-confidence is having clear trust in one’s self.

SELF LOVE – How to love yourself

Trust yourself! That means, being 100% YOU. Being proud of yourself, loving yourself unconditionally and not letting fear hold you back. This reminds me of a social post I recently came across and which said: Confidence is not “Will they like me?” Confidence is “I’ll be fine even if they don’t like me!” At the end of the day, no one’s opinion about you should change your belief in yourself.

Gaining confidence requires inner work. You have to dig deep, face yourself and show yourself so much love. How will other people know how to love you if you don’t know how to love yourself the right way?

So, what is your self-love language? For example: buying yourself gifts, spending time alone, journaling or eating your favourite meal. Make a list of all the things you can do for yourself and make it a regular practice.

Ever looked at lingerie in your wardrobe and thought “I will wear this for a special night”? Wear it tonight! Even if you don’t have another person to wear it for. Wear it for yourself! Lingerie and heels can make you feel and look sexy. I also highly recommend trying out wigs to switch it up and be an alternative version of you.


The goal here is to connect your mind, your body and your soul, so that you can become the Ultimate YOU.  Feed your mind, body and soul with positivity, and witness the change.

Insecurities come from that little voice in your head that plays on one or more of the thousands of thoughts we have every day. Maybe someone said something in the past that’s stuck with you, maybe you noticed the slightest difference in your body. That little voice will attach itself to that thought and say things to you which can make you doubt yourself and make you feel unworthy. Your job is to silence that voice and amplify the voice of self-love.

Positive self-talk (sometimes called affirmations), is a wonderful tool. Start off with ‘I AM’ and then add who you are or who you want to be. e.g ‘I am enough’, ‘I am a goddess’, ‘I am beautiful’, ‘I deserve to be happy’….you get the idea. Write it down, put a note on your mirror, daily phone reminders and so on.

By repeating your affirmations, you are setting positive intentions that help break old mindsets and create space for new ones. You are rewiring your brain. You create your own reality, so keep talking positivity into yourself you will start to notice the difference. Always remember that your mind is powerful. Turn on your self-love voice so loud, so that everyone else’s negative voice is silenced.

Awakening Confidence Through Sensual Dance – How to feel confident in the bedroom

During sex if you want to feel free with no inhibitions, you need try to free your mind from your insecurities and focus on what’s important – your pleasure. Let it go and let it flow.

In Shégitu sensual dance classes we learn how to help awaken this energy by working with the sacral chakra. The sacral chakra (Svadhisthana) is your passion and pleasure centre and is located in the pelvic area. It seeks sexual pleasure, intimacy, connection and enjoyment. When your sacral chakra is out of balance, you may experience sexual dysfunction, emotional instability, shame and even addictions.

My classes will help you to release negative energy and tension, as well as working up a serious amount of sweat and endorphins. Shégitu students report feeling uplifted and “buzzing” after classes, which can contribute to self-love and ultimately confidence.

I recommend practising yoga, meditation, taking baths and, of course, joining Shégitu classes, to restore and maintain your creative expression, abundance, emotional stability, and sensual pleasure in the body and your ability to flow with change.

Find me on IG @lidiaanamusic and @shegitudance