How to give a good handjob: the secret to sacred handjob techniques

 “An amazing handjob feels like the biggest sugar rush all over your body.”

Lucky anonymous

There is a secret to a great handjob. When I first got to try it on my partner, it blew our minds – he said he experienced his best handjob ever, and I discovered a superpower. It’s been a game-changer for every couple I’ve told about it. And today, Kittens and Toms, I’m going to share it with you. It’s just too amazing not to!

Going beyond what we’re used to doing

Thanks to the researchers, we know that there are numerous erogenous zones on the male body. Each partner will have their favourites, and they’ll probably want different levels of stimulation at certain times too. The areas we usually focus on for handjobs are the head of the penis, the perineum and the anus. Gently playing with their balls can also be very pleasant. This is what we often tend to focus on, because it’s “supposed” to work.

But knowing those “buttons” can also trap us into doing it in the very same way, way too often. Stroke here, scratch here, pinch here – you know what they like, so let’s do it in that way, right? No! It can work great for a quickie when you have some thrilling stimulation (you’re in a risky place, it’s a spontaneous time etc) and you’re both very aroused already. But what about the rest of the time when you need a bit more excitement?

Anticipation is one of the pillars of an amazing handjob. And killer sex in general. When you or your partner know what’s coming next in your intercourse, there comes the trouble. If the brain can predict what’s coming next, first of all, it feels less exciting. Secondly, there’s pressure of performing and climaxing “on time”. When we change techniques, when we explore and touch our partners’ bodies in different ways. There’s more arousal, more connection, more unknown, and the sensations are way more intense:

“A really, really good handjob is one that changes things up to delay gratification. And to give you another sort of series of surprises.”

“A really good one with lots of techniques will touch you everywhere, so that you can say ‘that’s really good, do that again!’. Whereas a sort of straightforward, boring one, you know, an un-techniqued and un-nuanced one will just be, ‘Oh, I know what works, I’m just going to do that.’ Which is kind of like, you know, a five minute job… I’d rather be eating lunch.” 

When your partner doesn’t know what happens next, there is no expectation, and no pressure to orgasm after a certain stroke: 

“The anticipation is amazing. The slow buildup, the sort of slowed down buildup is amazing. And then… it’s someone else’s fingers and she can’t feel it herself. So it’s all a surprise. Even to a microscopic level, every single sensation is a novel sensation that you weren’t quite expecting.”  

The what, where and how

When you experiment more, you’ll get much more from it than just knowing that your partner is satisfied. You’ll notice that your mutual connection will become stronger too. But my favourite thing about experimenting with techniques, is how self-empowering they can be. You’re playing with buildup and edging your partner. You’ve got full control over their experience. You’re making them feel a way they’ve never felt before. You’re owning it!

“It’s like playing an instrument… My boyfriend had never been vocal before, but he can’t hold it… And I’m the one who’s creating the music. It’s exhilarating…”

In my years of learning and teaching handjob techniques at Secret Sauce Angel, I’ve come across 110 different techniques as a foundation, and the list is constantly evolving! Some have been passed on for centuries without changes (you know they must be good). But you can create your own too, by using one main principle and the tips below.   

The core of many of the techniques lies in not only focusing on the most sensitive parts of male genitalia, but also in caressing and stimulating your partner along the whole “pleasure line”. This pleasure line starts with the urethral opening and goes down through the frenulum, the penile raphe, the scrotal raphe and the perineal raphe, and ends with their anus. The secret of creating sequences which can take your partner to heaven, is in playing through as much of the pleasure line as possible. Just like in a tantric — or even a simple relaxing — massage, when the giver maintains constant skin-to-skin contact with the receiver, it feels so much better. 

Let’s try three of the following handjob techniques in practice and see what happens… 

Waterfall, or never-ending penetration

Never-ending penetration is a simple but amazing technique. It’s great to do at the beginning when lubricating your partner. It’s also very intense and can make some partners orgasm fast! It creates a sensation that their cock is entering you for the first time, and then doing it over and over again. The Toms I know say it’s a mind-blowing sensation. They often can’t say a word when they’re lost in the moment, but you can see what you do to them when you look into their eyes. 

Grip the glans of your partner’s cock with your hand in a way that your thumb tries to touch your index finger to create a ring, and keep the other three fingers close to each other while holding their shaft. You want the grip to be quite tight, it’s usually tighter than we think it should be. Now maintaining this grip, slowly slide your hand down to the balls. As your hand gets down to the root of the shaft, start the same sequence with your other hand, maintaining the skin-to-skin connection. Repeat a few times with each hand. 

If you’re doing this technique when lubricating and arousing your partner, do it slower. If you’re using it to make them explode like a volcano – move your hands a bit faster, and observe their reaction. The look in their eyes will be absolutely mind-blowing!

Spider 

For this technique, your partner should be lying on their back. The best position for you would be sitting on your knees between their thighs, or to one side.

With one hand, hold the head of your partner’s cock or caress it gently, while slowly running the other hand up the cock, just like a spider would run through it. Your palm, wrist and arm should follow your fingertips all the way up, touching your partner’s skin all the time. You can start at the root of their cock or with their perineum, and go all the way up to their belly and gently caress that too. Repeat this a few times.

As a general rule, balls do not like being tapped on, but your partner will be lying on their back, and you’ll tap on the raphes, not the balls. 

The Spider won’t make your partner cum, it’s a caressing technique. But there’s a great power behind it. This technique is from the Geishas’ toolkit, and they just knew how to make men dream about them all the time. They knew it’s not just about the touch, it’s also about the attitude. Try it when caressing them, they may like it very much if you have fun with it. It’s also visually appealing. It shows that you know what you’re doing. A variety of movements are taking place and you can playfully look at your partner from time to time, to either play shy or be in charge. It’s up to you to decide.

 Soap

This technique focuses on the head of the penis, allowing you to run your fingers around their glans, corona and frenulum. 

Put your palms together around their glans, and rub your palms against each other and around the cock as if the cock is a bar of soap. 

The head of the cock is very sensitive, so the Soap technique will give your partner thrilling sensations. But be mindful, the head can get too sensitive quite quickly in some men, so don’t do it for too long, and don’t do it just before they orgasm. Watch your partner for any signs that it’s getting a bit too much. 

Creating your own handjob techniques

Having tried (or imagined) the techniques mentioned above, you can now move on to exploring your partner’s body, and even try coming up with your own amazing handjob techniques. Try caressing, stroking, gently scratching, or gently tapping various areas (except the testicles). And try squeezing their shaft with your hands. See how it feels for you both when as much of your skin is touching their skin and genitalia as possible. Combine hand and mouth movements. Add sex toys. The possibilities are wonderfully limitless…

“He moaned. I mean, He! Moaned!”

Lube

While there are techniques which can be performed without lube, the general rule for the ultimate handjob is to lubricate the cock – a lot. Using saliva is great for oral sex, but if your hands start playing with their cock, the chances are you’ll need lube. 

Feedback

When trying new techniques and exploring their bodies, feedback seems even more crucial – we do want to send them to the moon, after all. But when asking for feedback, remember to find a fine line: it can be very off-putting when a partner looks up after each movement with a big question in their eyes and asks “how is this?”. If you have a list of sexy things you want to try, you may both agree to turn it into an experimental game, in which you go through each item one-by-one and share feedback. But if that’s not what you’re going for, maybe have a conversation before you start. Make sure your partner will tell you if something feels uncomfortable, but leave the rest of the feedback until after you finish – it makes for great pillow-talk. 

Having shared these little but stupendous secrets, I hope you’ll feel even more confident to experiment during your next play. We envy your partner – they’re about to experience the best handjob ever… but be careful. Amazing handjobs and amazing lovers are extremely addictive. It is a superpower, so do use it mindfully!

 

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