Aight’ people–who are we kidding? Everyone wants to have a cock or pussy that smells and tastes ridiculously delicious.
Enter the ultimate question…how to make your cum taste better!
While we all want to have the tastiest snatch in town, we also have a respectable desire to intimately please our fellow Kittens and Toms. So– it’s not surprising that wanting to have a delectable “southern hemisphere” is, kind of–like– a thing. Since this is such a hot topic, I decided to go on an experimental quest to determine which foods are best to put in our bellies to make our cum aaaall yum! I’m happy to share 10 that have worked for me, and attempt to present scientific explanations (as unscientifically as possible, of course.) Let’s get you au courant on the proper nutriment to slip into your diet so that your Notorius V.A.G or Johnson churns out the yummiest, finger-lickin’ nether fluids!
Ready? Set? Let’s get ballin’…our ultimate list of fruit and veg – food that makes your cum taste good!
- Pineapple: This tropical fruit is not only the universal symbol for wealth, warm welcome, and hospitality– but eating or drinking a cup of it a good hour before “doing the deed” can make you smell and taste delicious. Fruits, in general, (watermelon, strawberries, bananas, apples…) will make this happen for you as they contain acids and natural sugars– which keep yeast at bay. Yeast is bad because it creates the ‘shtanky-shtank’ nobody wants, landing you on the squick-list. Let’s avoid this. Keep reading….
- Yogurt and Kefir: Most yogurts, especially greek yogurts, contain live microorganisms in the form of probiotics. To keep things simple, let’s just call them “friendly bacteria”. This happy kind of bacteria keeps your Ph levels balanced– which, thereby, keeps your scent naturally balanced as well. Though, check the label for low sugar content because unnatural sugar is not Dick or Pussy’s friend.
- Probiotic supplement: The word “probiotic” itself is often translated to “beneficial for life.” It’s derived from the Latin word “pro” meaning “for” and the Greek word “biotic” meaning “life.” I really don’t think I need to type anything else here. It’s good shit! Take it.
- Avocados: Avocados stimulate whole vaginal health. The healthy fats in them, in addition to their vitamin B6 and potassium content, support strong vaginal walls and keep it naturally lubricated–which translates into: Yummy Pussy. **Cock-owners: they do make your spunk taste amazing, too. Let’s ALL eat the avocados. Ok?
- Cinnamon: So, not only is cinnamon considered to be an aphrodisiac spice because of its ability to warm up the body and assist in blood flow, but it’s also said to have the power to destroy the fungus Candida Albicans, which causes most vaginal yeast infections. (*See above about shtanky shtank in case you forgot.)
- Coconut Meat and Oil: One of my favorite addictions…*sigh*. The texture of coconut meat in my mouth does unprintable things to me– which is a singularly sensational reason to eat it before jumping into the sac! But what you really need to know is that coconut contains anti-fungal, anti-microbial, and anti-viral properties that (also) help fight yeast infections.
- Cranberries: Fresh cranberries, or 100% cranberry juice, are full of antioxidants and acidic compounds which are powerful infection fighters that can help bacteria from adhering to the bladder wall. This is said to keep UTIs away– but will also make all your juices smell and taste fresh. Just make sure you stay away from the sugar-pumped cranberry juice varieties, which can actually make things worse down there.
- Dark Chocolate: Also known as “plain chocolate”, this nutty, floral, fruity and healthful delicious-ness is produced using a higher percentage of cocoa with all fat content coming from cocoa butter instead of milk. It’s also a great source of antioxidants. Allegedly, eating an appropriate amount (small square) will increase your sexual desire and better your overall sexual function due to it’s methylxanthines (libido booster!) and phenylalanine– an amino acid that produces that “feel-good” chemical–dopamine (which takes me back to my teenage, horny AF days.) I’m not really sure how true this is, but an emphatic YES to dark chocolate anyway!
- H2O: Water is quite literally the stuff of life. Drink a fuuuuuuck-ton of it. This is how membranes keep lubricated and smells get diluted. When you don’t hydrate, everything gets concentrated. Read my lips: DRINK. THE. WATER.
Now–for me–all of the above edibles proved to be very deserving of this list. However, nothing came near to providing the same kind of zing as #10. The following sex-juice enhancer is The. Bomb. Fucking. Diggity. I mean, consuming it literally impelled my partner to rise up for air and demand that she be the owner of my pussy because I tasted like “heaven’s honey and Fun Dip rolled into one pink, glistening, nectarous, love tunnel,” before burying her face back in. Reader, in sum– you are going to want this.
*drum roll*….I present to you….
9. Miracle Fruit: Now– in truth–Miracle Fruit is not easy to come by. The only reason I had any is because my play partner is a professor of Horticulture at a local university. Every year she takes her students to Costa Rica to study this miraculous, deep red, berry. She brings it back for us to ritually, taste-test in a variety of ways. Luckily for you, it is available in the form of a tablet and works just as well. (We tried this, too!) It turns lemons into lemonade… wine into grape juice… vinegar into……also– grape juice!!! And vagina– into VAGENIUS. It’s called Mberry Miracle Fruit Tablets and you can learn more about them here.
Don’t get me wrong! Internet-landia is definitely bubbling over with pesky mis-expectations for nether smell that could be spilling over into your sex life. To be clear– none of this is to encourage that vaginas taste like roses, and cocks like bananas! Anyone who can’t savor the natural scent between your legs simply shouldn’t have access. Still, I should probably highlight the importance of personal cleanliness, exercise, and sleep since taking care of your overall body– will ultimately take care of your wonderful, natural taste. You can eat all the fruit in the world, but if you don’t wash your own fruit–it won’t do much for Michelin star quality cum. Also, I would be irresponsibly remiss if I were to not recommend that you seek out medical attention from a doctor if you ever smell sorta’… funky. Definitely do! They’ll set you straight– *wink*.
Licks and Lockdowns
I know we’re all social distancing at the moment as a matter of safety– but just because we’re in lockdown mode don’t mean we gotta’ lock up our junk! If you have a play partner at home and you have some of these foods in your pantry– give ‘em a try! If you don’t have a play partner within easy reach– still give them a try, and taste your exquisite self, for yourself. Bon appetit!
GJames is a writer of erotic audio stories for Dipsea, and other stuff. She believes meaningful casual interactions– sexual, and otherwise– make the world GO. In addition to writing, she is passionate about intimacy, autism awareness, mental-wellness, fitness and any combination of the four. You will likely find her blended into the background of a crowd– and quietly watching, but hopeful to connect. Her nose is always in at least 3 books. If you’re someone about to throw themselves into the winds of change or vulnerability– she’s gotchu’.