How to Masturbate: A Vulva-Owner’s Guide

Everybody is different, and every body is different. We’ve put together this guide for how to masturbate for vulva-owners with sexological bodyworker Jessica Parker to help you along your journey to masturbation bliss.

There’s no magic formula for how to masturbate, no one-size-fits-all, and there definitely isn’t a single trick we can give that will make you scream from the rooftops. So, should we search for new ways to masturbate? How often should you masturbate? Which positions should people masturbate in?

Better solo sex helps to create better-partnered sex! Too often, we expect our partners to know how to please us, yet if we don’t know how to please ourselves, how can we expect our partners to know? Once we know ourselves on a deeper level, we can articulate and communicate with our partners what works for us.

How should people with vulvas masturbate?

It won’t surprise you that ‘how to wank’ is a hugely searched term yet rarely openly discussed!

There are loads of different great ways to masturbate. Usually, it involves touching our genitals and erogenous zones in a pleasurable way, and this can look very different for different people. The great thing about masturbation is that you can try ALL the techniques and see what you’re into – it’s free and it can be a lot of fun.

Our best tip is to set aside time where you won’t be interrupted so you can relax in a sea of ‘me time’ and get to know your body without any stress.

Types of masturbation

  • Erogenous Zones – We’re starting with the least obvious of masturbation tips, which is to play with other erogenous zones as part of your self-pleasure. Too often the focus is solely genital. This can not only create a sense of pressure around orgasm (and failure if/when it doesn’t happen), but it also means that you’re missing whole realms of other pleasures for you to enjoy! These include nipples, inner thighs, ears, neck and other parts of your body that you can rub, pinch, pull or squeeze during sex and self pleasure.
  • Clitoral – Most people with vulvas find it easiest to orgasm through clitoral stimulation. You can experiment with what feels good by touching your clit with your fingers, or using a special clitoral sex toy. While you experiment with how to masturbate the clit, know that it loves repetition. Play around with the pressure to see what you respond best to. Build it up and slow it down if it gets too sensitive.
  • Vaginal – People tend to find it harder to orgasm this way, with most reporting that they’ve never had a vaginal orgasm. But, if/when you do, you’ll feel it deeper in your body, and your vaginal walls will throb. Some people like to mimic the ‘come hither’ motion rather than an in-and-out movement. Repeat the moves that feel good and pay attention to the feeling building up. Again, you can use your fingers and/or an internal toy like a dildo or an internal vibrator. You can also try stimulating the clitoris at the same time.
  • Cervical – Less known is the cervical orgasm, which can occur when the cervix (the opening of the uterus, right at the top of the vagina) is stimulated. Again, not everyone can access a cervical orgasm, and for some the sensations may be so intense as to be uncomfortable. Achieving a cervical orgasm requires very deep penetration, so experiment with a finger or, if you can’t reach, a longer toy.
  • Anal – People often forget about the butt while talking about great ways to masturbate! Again, using fingers or sex toys, it is possible to orgasm through anal stimulation. Even taking orgasm off the table (it doesn’t always have to be the goal), anal stimulation can feel amazing. Most people recommend using a toy as it can be quite hard to reach around with your hands. Please make sure that anything you put in your butt has been designed for this purpose. If a toy doesn’t have a flared base, it could get lost up there, resulting in a trip to A&E to get it removed. Remember that butts also don’t naturally produce lube, so make sure you have plenty to hand.
  • Combo – Using both hands, you can play with your clit whilst penetrating the vagina or using a combination of sex toys and fingers. Double-teaming the clit and vagina can cause an explosive orgasm that might even lead to ejaculation.
READ
Six New Sex Positions To Try This Weekend

How often should you masturbate?

Different people will have different answers to this question. Things like hormonal changes, libido fluctuations, and stress levels, all these factors will affect how often you want to masturbate.

There’s no right or wrong amount of masturbation, if you’re not causing harm to yourself or those around you. Rather than worrying whether you’re fitting into some norm or other, it can be helpful to ask ourselves the question, ‘What would my ideal masturbation practice look like?’  Then, you can see what you might want to change in order to achieve this ideal.

What is the best way to masturbate?

In short, there isn’t one; there are so many great ways to self-pleasure.

Usually, no one teaches us how to touch ourselves, so we usually learn to do it in secret, quickly and quietly with lots of tension and sometimes with shame, which isn’t a great way to learn to be sexual.

In our sexualised society, we can soon find out how to ‘get the sex’, but once we’re having sex, we can often struggle to have any real pleasure and tend to be more in our heads and in performative modes.

If we can learn how to enjoy self-pleasure and celebrate our bodies, we can feel ourselves at a deeper level without pressure. Without any such expectations, we can expand and deepen our own pleasure potential. The best ways to masturbate are the ways that bring you the most pleasure.

Just don’t forget to experiment; there could be something bigger, better, and more explosive, ready and waiting to be figured out.

READ
Ready Player One? Four Sexy Games To Try Today

The dos and don’ts of masturbation

Learning to feel what you’re actually feeling rather than thinking about what you should be feeling can really help expand and connect with different sensations and discover new pleasure pathways.

If you find you masturbate the same way each time, try setting aside time to explore other ways to pleasure yourself. There are so many different ways for people with vulvas to masturbate; how do you know which one’s your favourite if you don’t try them all!

Top tips on how to masturbate

My number one tip is – “Variation!” Didn’t you hear that variety is the spice of life? Take all the time you need to find new ways to pleasure yourself — you’ll be glad you did!

There are so many different ways you can masturbate. Try different positions, environments, and lubrications (organic oils, CBD lube). Create your own masturbation playlist—rhythm dictates your movements; choose slower, more sensual music that inspires you to take your time rather than being super quick.

If you’re dependent on porn or vibrators, use porn/toys to get you to a certain arousal level, then look away and put the toy down, focusing on using your hands and feeling different sensations before going back to the porn and toys. Mixing up your masturbation practices is always a good idea, especially if they’re building other issues into your sex or solo-sex-life like dependence on a certain type of stimulation.

Thanks to Jessica Parker for these top masturbation tips!

If you’re wanting to learn more about your body and pleasure, make sure you check out our upcoming workshops and masterclasses.

READ
How To Eat Pussy: A KK Guide
Share
[uam_place id='3705']