How to Masturbate for women

How to masturbate and why it’s good for you!

There’s no magic formula, no one-size-fits-all and there definitely isn’t a single trick we can give that will make you scream from the rooftops. Everybody is different and every body is different but we’ve put together a guide (with the help of Jessica Parker) to help you along your journey to masturbation bliss. Better solo sex helps to create better-partnered sex! Too often we expect our partners to know how to please us yet if we don’t know how to please ourselves how can we expect our partners to know? Once we know ourselves on a deeper level we can articulate and communicate with our partners what works for us.

How to Masturbate

There are loads of different ways to masturbate! Usually, it involves touching our genitals and erogenous zones in a pleasurable way – this can look very different on different people. The great thing about masturbation is that you can just try ALL the techniques and see what you’re into – it’s free and fun. Our best tip is to set aside time where you won’t be interrupted so you can relax in a sea of ‘me time’ and get to know your body without any stress.

Types of Masturbation

  • Clitoral – Usually using your fingers and playing with your clitoris. You can also bring in vibrators and other toys for added pleasure. Clitoral orgasms feel tingly along your skin and in your brain. Most women find it easier to orgasm through clitoral stimulation. The clitoris loves repetition. Play around with the pressure to see what you respond best too. Build it up and slow it down if it gets too sensitive.
  • Vaginal – Again usually with your fingers or a sex toy but this time penetrating your vagina. People tend to find it harder to orgasm this way with most reporting that they’ve never had a vaginal orgasm. But, when you do you’ll feel it deeper in your body and your vaginal walls will throb. Some people like to mimic the “come hither” motion rather than an in-and-out movement. Repeat the motions that feel good and pay attention to the feeling building up.
  • Anal – People always forget about the butt when talking about masturbation. Again, using fingers or sex toys you can orgasm through anal stimulation, most people recommend using a toy as it can be quite hard to reach around. Right before you orgasm, you might feel an intense need to pee, only this time contractions are around your anal sphincter. Remember that butts don’t naturally produce lube so make sure you have plenty to hand.
  • Combo – This is where you can get crazy. Using both hands you can play with your clit whilst penetrating the vagina or using a combination of sex toys and fingers. Double-teaming the clit and vagina can cause an explosive orgasm that might even lead to ejaculation.
  • Erogenous Zones- Last but by no means least, your erogenous zones. These include nipples, inner thighs, ears, neck and other parts of your body that you can rub, pinch, pull or squeeze during sex causing pleasure. This is a good one to get your partner to do whilst you play with yourself.

How often should you masturbate?

Different people will have different answers to this question. Things like hormonal changes, libido fluctuations and stress levels all affect masturbation.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong amount of masturbation if you’re not causing harm to yourself or those around you. Sometimes my clients worry they’re doing it ‘too much’ some worry they’re doing it ‘too little’. Generally, if we think we’re doing too little or too much of something we usually know the answer to our question. It might be that we’re procrastinating or avoiding dealing with something – it can be helpful to ask ourselves the question ‘what would my ideal masturbation practice look like?’ If you’re happy with how much you’re doing now, then fine, don’t change your winning formula.

Is masturbation good for you?

Absolutely! It’s great for relaxation, self-regulation, self-love, generating happy hormones and releasing endorphins!
Usually, no one teaches us how to touch ourselves so we usually learn to do it in secret, quickly and quietly with lots of tension and sometimes with shame, which isn’t a great way to learn to be sexual. In our sexualised society we find we know how to ‘get the sex’ but once actually having sex we struggle to have real pleasure and tend to be more in our heads and in performative modes. If we can learn how to enjoy self-pleasure and celebrate our bodies we can feel ourselves at a deeper level without pressure, without expectations and expand and deepen our own pleasure potential.

What toys to use when Masturbating

There are loads on the market these days and lots of variations to suit all the different tastes. If you don’t know where to start try heading to a good quality, friendly sex shop and ask the shop assistants – Sh! is a great place to visit. They’ve seen it all before and only want to help people, so don’t feel embarrassed or shy. You can’t go wrong with a good vibrator to stimulate the clitoras or try a rabbit vibrator if you want to stimulate both the clitoris and the G spot.

Best positions for Masturbating

Any position that can allow lots of movement, breath, sound and obviously access to touching where you want to touch without tension/pins and needles/cramp. If you want to touch nipples and anus at the same time – the ‘recovery position’ can be the best postition with loads of cushions. Ideally not crouched over a laptop or phone!
Using a mirror to watch yourself can be very educational/inspiring. Get to know your vagina, what it looks like, where exactly your touching. It will feel weird at first but trust me, you’ll love it in the end.

Dos/Don’ts of Masturbation

Learning to feel what you’re actually feeling rather than thinking about what you should be feeling can really help expand and connect with different sensations and discover new pleasure pathways.
If you find you masturbate the same way each time, try setting aside time to explore other ways to pleasure yourself. Many of my clients have issues with not being able to orgasm with a partner as they’ve become too dependent on direct hard and fast clitoris stimulation from vibrators so when having oral sex or softer touches they’re not as sensitive. Numbing out is something I support people with – especially women – within learning to feel more subtle touches and learning new ways to orgasm.

Top Tips

Variation! Try different positions, environments, lubrications (organic oils, CBD lube). Create your own masturbation playlist – rhythm dictates your movements, choose slower more sensual music that inspires you to take your time rather than being super quick.
If you’re dependent on porn or vibrators: use porn/toys to get you to a certain arousal level then look away/put the toy down and focus on using your hands and feeling different sensations before going back to porn/toys.
Learn to massage yourself sensually!
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