Somehow, squirting has become yet another performance for people with vaginas. Squirting – an act of those with vagina’s – has become almost entirely about heterosexual men, when, in fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with them.
Squirting and Shame
Certainly, all parties can and should revel in this act – that isn’t the problem. We should celebrate all bodies for what they can do. Squirting is equally fetishised as it is shamed. While some declare themselves lovers of squirt who may be disappointed if you’re not able to produce their favourite waterfall on demand, others will question or turn their nose up to the fluids excreted from the vagina. This is not limited to squirt fluids but menstrual blood and discharge as well.
It’s time to debunk the expectation that vaginas only release elegant streams of lavender and patchouli.
Can I always squirt the same?
All bodies respond differently, and this changes as we age, depending on the menstrual cycle, childbirth, medication, etc. That change is exciting! At any moment, your body could be capable of something it wasn’t yesterday! I truly believe we don’t know our bodies as well as we think we do. There’s always more to learn and more boundaries to push.
Speaking of learning, did you know that the clitoris is so large and complex, that it’s capable of many different types of orgasms, depending on where the stimulation is? For example, a G-spot or even a vaginal orgasm is still a clitoral orgasm. It just occurs in a different part of the clit (the portion inside of the vagina). This doesn’t make one type of pleasure better than another, only different.
While you may be envious of my seemingly never-ending stream, I long for sensitivity in my nipples. Focus on what your body can do, not what it can’t. There is variance in many parts of ourselves and our bodies, the kicker is: it can all change, too! Maybe, one day, I will get a sensitivity so great I can orgasm from having my nipples touched.
Can you teach yourself to squirt?
You’ve come to the right person. I am living proof that you can teach yourself how to squirt to record-setting proportions. One potential pathway to exploring squirting is achieved via masturbation. It’s a great way to explore without the pressure of performance – it’s just you, you can take your time and see what feels good. You can then take what you learned to partner, and explore a variety of methods or positions to experience the same fountain of joy.
So, I just ‘come hither’ myself?
It’s about time we retired the ‘come hither’ as the motion for squirting. There’s plenty of other fun motions to get our motors revved. There isn’t one single way to squirt, just like there isn’t one single way to orgasm. There isn’t just one way to do anything. Penetration and aggressive G-spot stimulation aren’t for everyone, even if they are for you. Try a range of different motions and toys to see what, if anything, make squirting possible for you.
How do I squirt during sex?
To squirt during sex, we first need to expand our limited views on what constitutes as sex. Penetrative sex tends to trump all in this conversation, but oral, digital or using toys are all valid forms of sex. Now that we have language out of the way, let’s discuss those different methods of squirting you’ve been so patiently waiting for.
Squirting techniques
I first squirted with a partner. This was not due to a particular technique my partner used, but because of the comfort they gave me when exploring my body. That clued me in on something I had no clue my body was capable of. So I took to experimentation, i.e. masturbation. I diddled myself until I could replicate that same sensation. Once I was able to procure a puddle of my own, it was a matter of curiosity. Oral, digital, penetrative, toys…
Whether you do it with a partner or on your own, you are squirting. Focus on the sensations and hone in on what feels good, not only what ‘works.’
For those of you who have frequented my workshops for KK you’ll remember when it comes to techniques, you might like ten, you might like two or you might like none of these recommended stimulation simulations. And all of those options (and more!) are totally valid and fine. Treat these as a starting point and improvise whatever feels good to your body. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the one breaking my record!
Manual (using your hands)
The general public likes to think a simple hook position and come hither of the fingers is enough to make anyone project hot liquid into their face. Why is this hooking motion held in such high regard? It’s less of a ‘why’ the fingers hook and more about ‘how.’
The fingers ‘hook’ due to the way the vagina is shaped. Your fingers naturally curl as they enter the vaginal canal. Instead of moving your fingers in a come hither fashion, try rocking your hand or arm. The rocking motion creates finger movement without poking and prodding at a sensitive bundle of nerves.
Time for the bonus round! While your hand is in this same position, your knuckles are uniquely positioned towards the perennial sponge. As you rock, allow the knuckles to push downwards into the shallow, southern portion of the vagina.
Oral
If oral is your preferred mode of sex, this is an excellent vehicle for heading down to squirt town. Proceed as you normally would while the potential squirter lengthens their pelvic floor. Try to be as consistent and repetitive as possible when they are in the process of trying to squirt. Remember curious reader: your mouth is attached to your tongue, don’t be afraid to move your face and press into the flaps and folds. If your person likes pressure, this applies more than your tongue can manage solo!
With a Toy
Squirters rejoice. The best tools for squirting can be used with or without a partner. The Njoy Purewand is a timeless item that no toy box should be without. Uniquely weighted with a larger end for targeting the G-spot, you can slide this hunk of metal in and see-saw your way to glory. An added benefit to the Purewand: as you rock the barbell away from the G-spot, you’re directly engaging with the perennial sponge. That bundle of erectile tissue just as important for squirting. Think of the vagina as a bouncy house. We want to fill up all parts, not just the top!
Penetrative
Ah, penetration. The darling of porn squirting, but it’s not always as easy to squirt in real life when something is constantly inside the vagina. What you’ll want is a position where our squirting hopeful has control over their pelvic positioning. Doggy style is highly adjustable as the squirter can ‘cat’ or ‘cow’ their back to control how much contact the object penetrating has with the G-spot. Experiment with occasionally pulling all the way out of the vagina before you reenter to leave room for release instead of damming up the pipes. Gotta let that liquid flow!
Why can’t everyone ‘squirt’?
When we ask the question ‘can everyone squirt’ we are playing into the ‘am I broken’ narrative. This is problematic for multiple reasons.
- being unable to do something sexually doesn’t make you a failure or worse off than others.
- there is no possible way we can ever answer if everyone can as it is not as simple as a knee-jerk involuntary reaction.
I hold the world record in squirting, and I would’ve thought I couldn’t squirt if you would’ve put me in a squirting study five years ago. There is no telling what each and everyone one of you is capable of, whether it be squirting or otherwise. Squirting was not as ubiquitous in the sexual mainstream as it is now. There weren’t general depictions, pop-culture references, or articles like this to guide us.
If you feel you are unable to squirt, know it takes time, patience, and muscle control. Squirting did not give me a sexual superpower or a new level of untapped pleasure. It gave me the understanding and control over my own pleasure due to this newfound muscle awareness. Squirting put me back in the driver’s seat of my sexuality and pleasure, where I should’ve been all along. Squirting, may too, be your vehicle for this discovery. Maybe there will be something else that works for you!
It may seem like everyone is orgasming, squirting, spanking, and choking, but this is only because we are talking about it more! Whoever said that was a bad thing? Discuss squirting to your heart’s content. Most importantly, stay curious.
Want to learn more about squirting with Lola Jean?
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Lola Jean is a Sex Educator, Mental Health Professional, Wrestler, Pro Domme and World Record Holder for Volume Squirting (solo.) providing the No Frills Sex Education we both need and deserve. Lola brings a refreshing understanding to sex, sexuality and kink to push individuals past what they think they are capable of. There is so much we are not exploring due to fear. Fear of how society will view us. How our partners will view us. How our peers will view us. Lola helps individuals stop making excuses and unlock who they are and what they deserve.