In Conversation

In Conversation With….Adam Wilder

Feeling disconnected at work? Insecure in relationships? Struggling to communicate? Sounds like you need a little more Togetherness in your life
by KK
17 May 2020

UPDATED: 3 Nov 2022


Ahead of their festival on sexuality and human relationships, we sat down with the founder of Togetherness, Adam Wilder, to talk all things human connection.

Killing Kittens originally created this article about the 2020 Togetherness festival. For information about the Togetherness School of Human Connection events, workshops, and activities, please visit the Togetherness website.

Togetherness is pitched as a ‘new sex festival’, but the name implies it’s more about intimacy. Can you clear this up for us?

Togetherness is about exploring all kinds of human connection and all kinds of intimacy, which totally includes sexual intimacy. We are looking at how different kinds of intimacy can make your life juicier—be that with your work, family, or lover(s). In the program, we have a singing session with Sam Lee; the connection in that session will be completely different from learning about pussy massage with Froukje Van Der Velde or learning about turning masturbation into an empowering meditation with Clara Gomez.

All sessions will support knowing yourself better, enriching your relationships and expanding your sex life.

The new sexual revolution is about intimacy.

How can intimacy change the world?

Intimacy means letting someone else see who you really are. To do that, you need to know who you are. Unfortunately, most people are shit scared of that. We spend our whole lives carefully constructing personality to avoid real intimacy. We’re afraid that maybe there’s nothing underneath our masks, and yet we crave it so much.

All of that drives us to make bad decisions. So while people are learning to become intimate, they start looking at their actions: Am I doing this job/this relationship/this lifestyle because I really want to or is it because I think I should? Is it based on someone else’s idea of who I should be?

The new revolution in sexuality is about intimacy and has the potential to empower and affect all our decision-making.

What surprised you while curating this festival?

That a lot of people are ready for this – and I mean a lot.

I don’t know if it was Brexit and Trump or something else, but so many people have come forward with support, saying this is exactly what they want – connection.

Lots of people have told me they have been looking for sex when what they actually needed was a connection. Also, I’m surprised just how popular the ‘Every Body is Beautiful’ naked photoshoot session is. It’s the only one people book in advance, and all the slots went in about an hour. It’s all about embracing what we don’t like about our bodies instead of hiding it. It seems like a lot of people are ready for that. We will definitely be doing more of that one.

What are the highlights?

For me, it’s the sessions with Alan Lowen and Andrew Barnes. Those two know their stuff.

Alan knows just what to say and when to help you go deeper into the experience of whatever’s happening. His ‘Am I allowed?’ session helps to really explore how you feel and look at the permission you give yourself. The Art of Being work I did with him last year changed my life profoundly.

And Andrew is the most knowledgeable facilitator I have ever met who is at the cutting edge of sexuality. He will be leading a sexual meditation and be doing a talk about his relationship map. He’s also the guy who runs retreats on the full-body energy orgasms. He is not to be missed!

The Soulmate Delusion workshop sounds punchy. Why are we all so hooked on this concept?

It’s one of the stories we are fed from a young age: the prince and the princess, happily ever after. I think it’s a really comforting idea and fits in with our prevailing culture. This idea of perfection in the lifestyles we lead and the image we portray is easily carried over to what our soulmate will be like. That’s an awful lot of pressure on a relationship.

Finally, what does one wear to an ecstatic Saturday night dance cacao party?

Wear what makes you feel good, and don’t be afraid to sweat a little. It’s going to get hot in there.

A little more about Adam Wilder

Adam is an intimacy expert. With a fascination for creating spaces where people can understand more about their relationships and connections, he promotes feeling alive in all of our relationships, whether working, romantic, or through friendships.

With 20 years of research and exploration, his methods are playful and fun, often bringing humour into his work, presentations, and events.

A little more about Togetherness

“We help people wake up their natural ability to form meaningful connection with themselves and others.
We do this through courses, workshops and our online community, the Togetherness Village.”