Every Kitten has a Lioness Inside

Each Kitten has their own journey that leads them to Killing Kittens. We at KK like to celebrate these sexplorations, the empowerment and freedom of our Kittens. It is not always an easy or comfortable ride, with each Kitten having to overcome their own personal obstacles. Kitten C, our very own Superkitten, told us of her journey, the hurdles she has had to conquer and of her new found inner Lioness!

Here is Kitten C’s story.

I grew up in a very conservative, religious home. My father was a strict disciplinarian, an autocratic, chauvinistic man that believed in gender-specific roles. i.e. women stayed home, made babies, took care of their men. Men went out to work to support the family, men ruled the home. Obviously, my feelings on all of this were ‘bullshit’, but there was nothing I could do as long as I lived at home with my parents.

From a very early age, books were a much-needed form of escapism of the realities of my family environment, and so I read prolifically. I started reading erotica in my late teens (think 50 Shades, but more intelligently written stuff), and you can imagine what a revelation this was for me, having been brought up in a ‘thou shalt not’ environment. I’d always been very shy around guys. Growing up, we were not allowed boyfriends, premarital sex was completely taboo, and I was quite introverted. I dated some lovely guys throughout my 20s but always seemed to struggle with embracing my sexuality.

Moving to London

I moved to London when I turned 30 and thought ‘finally…newfound sexual freedom! Nobody knows me here and I can do what I want!”. This was not to be, as moving to London brought its own set of complications: culture shock, loneliness, lack of family support. I then decided to focus all my energies on my career and did very well for myself. However, in my mid 30’s, started suffering career burnout and lost all interest in sex. I gained weight and became ill and depressed.

One day, at age 37, I woke up and decided enough was enough. Found a new job, quit my old one and in between, went traveling for a few months. Got back to England, checked into a fitness boot camp for a week, and it changed my entire perspective on life. I realised I was relatively young and in the prime of my life, and that it was completely abnormal for me to not be in a healthy sexual relationship… or at the very least, not having sex regularly.

Life turned upside down

With my newfound energy and enthusiasm for life, I was ready to move on to the next experience… and then suffered a major setback. I was diagnosed with early-stage cervical cancer at the start of 2016.

This diagnosis turned my life upside down again and I had to face the reality of my sexuality potentially being impacted by this disease. I was terrified. Luckily, I got referred to the Royal Marsden and one of the best Oncologists in the country performed a Trachelectomy surgery which, after months of recovery, left a little physical impact on my body. I saw a therapist as well, and by October 2016, was back to my normal self, and ready to give my newly recovered ‘bits’ a trial run.

I joined a dating site but I wasn’t interested in a relationship. I wanted to have sex, as much of it as possible, with as many people as possible. I wanted to make up for a decade of not having embraced my femininity and sexuality!

… except that I couldn’t connect with any guys because I’m too shy and introverted, so the dates went nowhere. Then one evening during October last year, I started chatting with a guy and had a really good time doing so. We decided to meet for a date, it went well, we hit it off and I took him home. Needless to say, my bits are all fine 😉 And I still date him casually. He’s been instrumental in encouraging me to explore myself.

Finding Killing Kittens

On one of our dates, he mentioned KK to me, as he’d been to a party and seemed excited about it. I remember asking ‘what was it like’ and his only response was… ‘various permutations of people enjoying themselves’. No other details. I’m an intensely inquisitive person, and having watched ‘Eyes wide shut’, had always wanted to go to a party like that! So decided to register an account, explore for myself, see what KK was all about.

When I explored the site it was a total revelation! My first week was very overwhelming, as I decided to be very upfront about what I was looking for in as clear terms as possible. I was overwhelmed with responses, not just on the site but also on KIK. It became a bit too much, so I decided to amend my profile. The response rate dropped, but now I tend to get attention from interesting, more like-minded people. I’m not just interested in dating, but also exploring my sexuality in other ways and the parties seem a good option for a novice like me to meet other like-minded people, in a safe, comfortable environment. So driven by nerves I booked my first party.

I knew that there would need to be a ‘first time’, and I wanted to get it behind me so that I could have an idea of what to expect for subsequent ones. I found the first one that appealed to me as a single woman and just booked it before I had time to change my mind. I didn’t know anyone else who’d be going but that was ok. I might be an introvert but I’m no shrinking violet.

The first party

Someone on the KK forums set up a chat group for people going to that specific party and I joined it. They all decided to meet for drinks beforehand, but I declined. I wanted to go to the party with no preconceived ideas of what it might be like. I was also worried that meeting people beforehand might result in me not enjoying their company and didn’t want to risk that happening.

Before the party, I felt incredibly nervous but very excited. I’m a bit of an overthinker, and whilst I have a healthy sexual appetite, I’m also very shy and introverted so this presented a challenge. Once I arrived though, I was instantly put at ease and made to feel very welcome. It started on the elevator ride up with a handsome young gentleman. He seemed very zen… made polite conversation and asked if I was going to the KK party. He could tell straight away that it was my first time and told me that I would be just fine and that I looked gorgeous. He was very respectful, kept his distance, and wished me a good evening when we went entered the apartment. Brian, one of the hosts manning the entrance, was amazing! Both him and Kamila made me feel very welcome, explained the details I needed to know, and ensured that I was aware they were available for any questions or issues. Brian was determined that I would have a good time. The guy’s a total legend.

The atmosphere was different to what I had expected. I had imagined more of a party atmosphere with music, dancing… it was all very subdued. The energy in the room felt electrically charged and people were scoping each other out. Later in the evening as things progressed, people started making their way toward the playrooms. Personally, I spent a fair amount of time at the bar conversing with the bartender, who also did a lot to make me feel comfortable and at ease. Everyone was very friendly and polite and I was never made to feel uncomfortable in any way. We were all there for the same thing – to explore ourselves and have like-minded fun in a safe, discreet environment. I ended up having an interesting experience with a very passionate young gentleman.

The KK future

I started out shy and nervous but after a few drinks managed to loosen up and ended up having a lot of fun. I’m really happy that I was brave enough to do it, and will probably be a lot less nervous next time, now that I have a better idea of what to expect. I now want to explore more events, I would love to attend a Kabaret, a Silvers and one of the Hampshire events too. Have added both of these to my sexual exploration fucket list 😉 Not overly sure about Hedonism yet… I’m a bit body conscious and not much of an exhibitionist… but who knows? Perhaps I’ll try.

I’m a feminist and, considering how I was raised, t  he idea of the sexual empowerment and liberation of women really appeals to me immensely. My view is that there is still a vague sense of general societal ‘disdain’ at the idea of a modern woman taking charge of her own sexuality, but I have a sense that this is changing and that women some day too, can more openly relish the sexual freedoms that men have enjoyed for so long. For me, it’s just begun and I’m very excited about it!