Language note: This article uses the words “vulva”, “vagina”, “labia” and “pussy”. It is genital specific however it most certainly is NOT gender specific! We would like to acknowledge that not everyone with this general demonstration of physiology uses these words to describe their bodies, and that not all vulvas or vaginas or bodies look the same or function in the same way. It is our intention to be mindful and inclusive of trans, non-binary, gender-expansive, gender non-conforming, and intersex experiences. We hope that you find this article informative, and if you have any feedback please feel free to email the editor at editor@wearekk.com
[Edited 2022]
When sitting in the waiting room at the Gynaecologist’s office, I felt nervous.
I’d gone in for a smear test. I wasn’t concerned about the discomfort. I’m totally used to it now.
But I was still anxious. And all because I was convinced I had an ugly vulva.
What’s the problem with thinking my vulva is ugly?
Editor’s Note: The BBC links in this article use gendered language, as does the quote from Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust survey. We include these as important statistics and information, whilst acknowledging that the language used is limited in how it addresses gender beyond the binary.
[Edited 2022]
Going for a smear test can often be a nervous experience. Lots of people are concerned about discomfort, or pain, or have had unpleasant experiences with gynecological exams in the past.
But for many people with vulvas, the nerves are predominantly due to embarrassment and genital shame.
This article from the BBC says that millions are missing their smear test appointments.
The same article reveals that a total of 220,000 people are diagnosed with cervical abnormalities every year, with “854 deaths from cervical cancer in England in 2016.”
How many of those deaths could’ve been avoided if people went for their smear tests?
And why do people cancel their smear tests when the stakes are so high?
“A survey of 2,017 women by the charity Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust suggested young women were embarrassed to attend smear tests because of their body shape (35%), the appearance of their vulva (34%), and concerns over smell (38%).
A third said they would not go if they had not waxed or shaved their bikini area.”
– BBC
But our embarrassment – our fear of having ugly genitals – is causing devastating consequences.
And missing smear tests is only one part of the problem.
Our toxic relationship with our own genitals has caused other problems, from reluctance to accept oral sex to genital dysphoria.
“When I first saw my vagina, I expected to revel in my womanly self. I didn’t expect to scream.”
Daisy Buchanan wrote an article in which she explore how watching one episode of Sex & The City aged fifteen changed her whole perception of her genitals.
In the episode, Charlotte announces that she’d never seen her own vagina.
Samantha gave her a hand-mirror and sent her off to the bathroom to get a good look at it.
Daisy realised at age fifteen that she, too, hadn’t seen her own vagina.
She states that when she went into the bathroom, propped her leg on the loo, and held a mirror underneath her, she expected to “revel in her womanly self”.
She “did not expect to scream”.
Daisy goes on to describe her emotions upon this first encounter, going to far as to say that she felt her genitals were “like something from an anti-smoking campaign”.
Daisy thought, at fifteen, that her vulva was flappy and ugly. Even more devastating, she felt totally isolated and abnormal, certain that everyone else would be rocking pornstar genitals, tucked in and discreet.
How many young people have similarly distorted experiences when first getting acquainted with their own bodies? These experiences, as we have seen, have long-lasting consequences, impacting on self-esteem to the point where many people avoid necessary medical appointments out of embarrassment and shame.
Where does our hatred of our genitals come from?
No one is born into the world and instantly hates their body.
It’s a learned behaviour that stems from multiple branches. The roots are misogyny, as well as shame and fear about sex itself. This is not only an issue for people with vulvas. Almost everyone is conditioned to feel shame about their bodies and their genitals, which the unattainable ideals of a few set up as the gold standard for all.
“I’ll have some of that highlighter for when the sun shines on my labia.”
Never one to let shame go unmonetised, the beauty industry has seen an explosion of products aimed to make your genitals “look and feel as beautiful as the rest of you.”
I’m talking exfoliators, highlighters, serums, and moisturizers.
Yes. Highlighter. To help your labia shine in the sun…?
You may laugh and think it’s ridiculous. You may think it’s harmless fun. Maybe you might even find that using beauty products on your bits helps you to develop a more loving relationship with your genitals. We’re not here to judge.
What’s clear though is that there are profits to be made from people’s insecurity about the appearance of all parts of their bodies.
This goes beyond beauty products and into the realms of significant, permanent change. From 2013 to 2018, there was a 30% rise in women who went under the knife to adjust their labia. Whilst some of these procedures are undertaken for medical reasons, many are predominantly aesthetic, as people aim to have the perfect pornstar pussy.
“Why doesn’t mine look like that?”
Another source of genital shame comes directly from the porn industry.
Whether you’re a Millennial, a Gen X, a Baby Boomer – you’ll have had access to porn. And across all mediums of porn, from magazines to streaming sites, the story is generally the same. Petite, hairless and pink with tucked-in labia.
Mainstream porn has very specific success criteria and aesthetics.
And everyone – regardless of gender – will have altered perceptions of genitals and sex itself if porn is not watched responsibly or with an awareness that not all bodies have to look exactly the same.
Labia Library
If a sense of shame around your genitals stems from believing everyone else is picture-perfect, we recommend you take a peek at the Labia Library and The Great Wall Of Vagina.
Editor’s Note: The Labia Library and The Great Wall Of Vagina use gendered language and are limited in how they address experiences beyond the gender binary. It is not clear whether they have included any trans, intersex, gender nonconforming or nonbinary people in their imagery. We recommend them as resources for gaining some visual understanding vulval diversity and difference, but note these omissions as greatly limiting the scope of what these projects can achieve.
[Edited 2022]
Labia Library was funded by the Victorian (as in Victoria, Australia) Women’s Benevolent Trust in 2012, with a mission to show a range and of vulvas.
They believe the number of people undergoing surgery to change their genitals is down to seeing other vulvas exclusively in pornography or magazines.
They created Labia Library to change that.
If you’re feeling isolated in your belief that your vagina isn’t ‘normal’ or you believe that vaginas are ugly, take a look at Labia Library and The Great Wall Of Vagina.
If you experience intense negative feelings about your body, your genitals or your self more generally, we would advise seeking help from your GP or a qualified mental health professional. This link to the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy is one place to start.
If you experience genital and or gender dysphoria, this list of resources from the Terrence Higgins Trust may be useful.
Written by the Killing Kittens team.