Q&A with Adam Wilder: ‘The new sexual revolution is about intimacy’

This weekend a new festival on sexuality and human relationships is coming to London.
We grabbed five minutes with the founder of Togetherness, Adam Wilder.

Togetherness has been pitched as a ‘new sex festival’ but the name implies it’s more about intimacy. Can you clear this up for us?

Togetherness is about exploring all kinds of human connection, all kinds of intimacy which totally includes sexual intimacy. We are looking at how different kinds of intimacy can make your life juicer – be that with your work, your family or your lover(s). In the program we have a singing session with Sam Lee, the connection in that session will be completely different from when you are learning about pussy massage with Froukje Van Der Velde or learning about turning masturbation into an empowering meditation with Clara Gomez. All sessions will support you in knowing your self better, enriching your relationships and expanding your sex life.

How can intimacy change the world?

Intimacy means letting someone else see who you really are. To do that you need to know who you are. Most people are shit scared of that. We spend our whole lives carefully constructing personality to avoid real intimacy. We’re afraid that maybe there’s nothing underneath our masks. And yet we crave it so much. All of that drives us to make bad decisions. When people are learning to get intimate they start looking at their actions –  am I doing this job/this relationship/this lifestyle because I really want to – or is it because I think I should, is it based on someone else’s idea of who I should be? The new revolution in sexuality is about intimacy and has the potential to empower and affect all our decision making.

What surprised you while curating this festival? 

Yes, lots of people are ready for this. I mean lots. I don’t know if it was Brexit and Trump or something else but lots of people have come forward with support saying this is exactly what they want – connection. Lots of people have told me they have been looking for sex when what they actually needed was a connection. Also, I’m surprised just how popular the ‘Every Body is Beautiful’ naked photo shoot session is. It’s the only one people book in advance and all the slots went in about an hour. It’s all about embracing what we don’t like about our bodies instead of hiding it. Seems like a lot of people are ready for that. We will def be doing more of that one.

What are the highlights? 

For me its the sessions with Alan Lowen and Andrew Barnes. Those two know their stuff. Alan knows just what to say and when to help you go deeper into the experience of whatever’s happening. His Am I allowed? the session helps you to really explore how you are feeling and look at the permission you give yourself. The Art of Being work I did with him last year changed my life profoundly. And Andrew is the most knowledgeable facilitator I have ever met who is at the cutting edge of sexuality. He will be leading a sexual meditation and be doing a talk about his relationship map. He’s also the guy who runs retreats on the full body energy orgasms. He is not to be missed!

The soulmate delusion workshop sounds punchy. Why are we all so hooked on this concept?

It’s one of the stories we are fed from a young age, the prince and the princess, happily ever after. I think it’s a really comforting idea and fits in with our prevailing culture. This idea of perfection in the lifestyles we lead and the image we portray is easily carried over to what our soulmate will be like. That’s an awful lot of pressure on a relationship.

Finally, what does one wear to an ecstatic Saturday night dance cacao party?

Wear what makes you feel good, and don’t be afraid to sweat a little. It’s going to get hot in there.
£99 weekend pass, May 20 and 21, togethernesslondon.com