Don’t Desexualize Me!

People rarely ever think about women on the autism spectrum in a sexual way.  It’s almost as if– they’re thought to be–*gasp*–SEXLESS!  The truth of the matter is that sex for autistic women (hereafter to be referred to as: aspies, aspie-girls, aspie-chics, autists, or aspien) is as varied as anyone else’s.  Sex with and for an aspie really can be quite different from any other sexual experience you are likely to have, but perhaps not in the way you might think…   

The Misconception  

More often than not, people think of an aspie as socially awkward, and sexually non-existent.  In our society’s mind, she’s pacing back and forth across the room while avoiding the cracks, repeating the same line from a movie over and over.  She is flapping her hands and glancing at you with intermittent eye-contact and is obsessed with knitting or numbers or narwhals. She likely is believed to have “issues”.  Like– straight up, mental health issues. The kind that neurotypicals are said to not want to touch with a 10 foot pole. And understandably so! Because….well, I mean–fucking hell–none of that is sexy!  Our world has desexualized the aspien girl and forced her onto the fringe where sex can be absent, confusing, overwhelming, or worse– mentally and physically abusive for her.  

In this blog post, I choose to be vulnerable.  I choose to risk KK sexual suicide at the expense of throwing my curtains wide, to share that I am Kitten. I am Aspie. And I am Proud.  I roar that intimacy for aspie-chics does, in fact, exist– and can be balls-out incredible.  Though, before I completely expose my proverbial T and A, I think it essential to also share that if you were ever to meet me in the sweet flesh, you’d likely never guess that I am neurodiverse.  This is in large part due to my progressive upbringing by incredibly “tuned-in” parents (who raised me with the right wrap-around support), and my routine study of human behavior for…. pretty much, forever.  I have become a human analyzer. A human behaviorist. A camouflaged chameleon. In the aspie world we females call it: masking, and we get very good at it, very early on.   I have always needed to observe and watch people carefully in order to survive and thrive socially, and eventually socio-sexually.  I examine people’s mannerisms, how they move their bodies–their gait, when and how they shift their weight, their speech pattern, when their eyes narrow or widen.  Just–the whole everything of them.  I’ve tried on their antics and words for size– to see what fits, what feels comfortable– what to force when it doesn’t, until it feels like a bodystocking.

 — And then…. I imagine aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of the different ways I’d fuck them! 

*side smirk* 

I live in a streaming state of reflection.  My senses are on fucking fire. All of the time! I’ve learned to love this about myself as I’ve learned to manage it so that I may still appear like a peaceful, functioning, sensible adult. (Which I am, most of the time.)  

So, Reader, read on if you wish to understand some of  the good, the bad, and the sensory stimuli of an aspie Kitten should you ever meet one, become fond of her, and wish to make her purr.  I can assure you, you’ll be most happy you did.

 

The Good

You’ll find that being autistic means it’s more difficult to understand the strict boundary lines that our society puts in place for us to mind without question. For instance: girl’s perform sex and relationships with boys.  But, ever since I can remember I’ve been attracted to both males and females. Part of my aspie charm is defying the rules of the public and just going with what feels right. Since many aspiens find it easy to talk about taboo topics without the slightest flinch of inhibition– they tend to be very sex positive.  Autists are highly stimulative. This means their senses are ablaze– quite literally alive! That means scents, textures, sounds, tastes, visuals, feelings (both internal and those of others) are all inputs that can create a cum playground for an aspie-chic. The sweet musky scent of natural skin hovering over me paired with the right words whispered into my ear and just the sheer anticipation of a finger rimming my entrance is enough to make me gush dew. 

 

The Bad

The downside to some of the aspie characteristics mentioned above is that, while being uninhibited is freeing, it can be tricky for some aspies to know when they’re getting hit on, navigate jokes and sarcasm during flirtations, and just generally understand social cues. Knowing when to reel in bold conversation and switch over to a new topic, or– simply stop talking altogether –and just listen, are not impossible, but can be a challenge.  Many aspies struggle with focus in general. I remember vividly 69ing a gorgeous man with whom I share a special connection. I thought to myself (nearly out loud) How, the fuck, am I going to focus on pleasing him while he’s lapping me up and down, side to side, in and out with his Gold Star Tongue? But I discovered that he had my mental stimulation gripped tightly long before there was any skin-to-skin contact weeks earlier via chat. The care that we held for one another was palpable, and kept me engaged and wanting to please him while he pleased me synchronously.  That care just may be an essential non-negotiable for an Aspie-Kitty. Otherwise, expect that she may zone out and get lost inside of herself (which can also be kind of hot.)  

 

The Sensory

Autism is a sensory disorder. It basically means there is a whole lot of stimuli happening simultaneously along your aspie Kitten’s skinscape, as well as in her brain.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions about general preferences. If you see her fidgeting, twirling her hair, doing the leg-bounce, or doing anything repetitive with her hands– she’s likely self-regulating or self-soothing as a way to cope with, or respond to her environment.  Talk to her, open the “portal of trust”. This can lead to tremendous build-up of arousal. In general, it’s best to forge some sort of mutual understanding. Be open, be communicative and transparent about the What If scenarios.  Find out what turns her on and if there are any trigger touches or words you should know to stand clear of.  She’ll appreciate that, and help her regain confidence to yield a more pleasurable experience for you both.

 

Top 5 Things You Should NEVER Say To An Aspie Kitten 

So you’re gettin’ your groove on, hittin’ your stride– it’s all good!  The conversation is developing, you’re following all my tips and cum levels are rising!  You think to yourself:  

 

It is time to open the portal trust

 

…here’s how to 

Not. 

Fuck. 

This 

Shit. 

Up!

 

I’ve heard it all: words of empowerment, words of encouragement, dismissive words– the whole gamut.  For me– learning more about how I operate just meant gaining a deeper understanding of how I’m wired, so I can be better at living in a shared world with neurotypicals.   That’s really what any aspie-girl wants in a world where her quirks set her up to feel alien. And the Aspien Girl Tribe is pretty aligned up in here over what NOT EVER to say to us.  Here are the Top 5:

 

  1. “You’re too hot to be autistic!” This usually comes from someone in a well-meant way.  But don’t say it– because it’s dismissive and false. Aspies can look good on the outside, and be their quirky, lovely selves on the inside.  Done. Moving on….
  2. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” Obvi.  Don’t say it.
  3. “Well, I mean– everyone’s a little on the spectrum, aren’t they?”  Also well-intentioned, but simply untrue.  The way an aspie walks through the world is different.  We are reminded of this multiple times a day– some of us are just better at hiding it.
  4. “Wow, I would have never guessed it.” This isn’t a horrible thing to saaaay?…but it’s not the best thing to say, either.  Especially if you want to get in her pants. Just sayin’…
  5. “Everyone has something, I guess.”  I’d never call you a douchebag for saying this because I’ve trained myself out of that sort of behavior– but– it is sort of a douch-y thing to say.  Don’t say it.

 

Instead, try saying some of these things:

 

  1. “Cool– what more do you want me to know about that?”  This shows that you aren’t about to run for the hills after I’ve nakedly outed myself to you.
  2. “Ah- that explains why you….” Definitely say this!  My legs just opened a little– and all I did was type it! I love this because it means you’re about to show your knowledge-base on the topic and that you’ve been paying attention.  It shows interest in something inherently me.
  3. Should that change anything?”  Personally– I adore this one.  It demonstrates lack of shock, which– for me– is a relief.  Not a fan of shock. But to others in the Aspie-Kitten Kommunity, they may find this dismissive.  You’ll have to gauge…

Remember that just because you ever met one aspie chic, it only means that you’ve met ONE aspie chic.  We’re not all the same. There’s no one way for an aspien to have sex, because there’s no one way to be aspien! There are many of us out there– more than you realize, masking away in plain sight, right under your nose! Some want nothing to do with sex, but still crave connection and intimacy in other ways.  But if an aspie Kitten is on KK– chances are, she’s an insatiable, sensual delight. With the right dialogue, and of course, consent– you just might have something cosmic coming at you full throttle. So breathe in– and brace, because it’s sure to be a ride you will cherish always, never to forget!  

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