The trick to a perfect lap dance is being yourself. No, this isn’t some self-help manual – this is advice from someone awkward who found confidence later in life.
In a few quick pointers, Carolina, pole dance performer known as Blogger On Pole on the web and as Hades on stage, will answer some of the most common questions about finding your sexy ahead of her autumn KK lap dance workshops.
What does sexy mean?
To me, being sexy means feeling comfortable in your own skin. Sexiness isn’t an item you own, or an action you perform. It’s a feeling that extends to your whole being, and it’s deeply embedded with self-love and self-acceptance, which means you can feel sexy when you give someone a lap dance or even when you’re cleaning your kitchen.
How to be sexy?
How to give a lap dance?
1. Talk it through.
The first rule of the lap dancing club is: actually talk about lap dancing. Set your rules and boundaries. This is because not everyone is familiar with the dynamic of a lap dance.
Lap dances originated in strip clubs, where clients are not always allowed to touch dancers, because they need the dancer’s authorisation first, because clubs might have a no-touch policy or because touching might be illegal in that state/country. This puts the dancer completely in control of the lap dance until it is finished and she goes her own way.
So it’s up to you whether you want your lap dance to put you fully in charge, or you want the person you’re giving it to to touch you or not. I think it’s fun to tie people’s hands behind the chair because 1) it adds an extra layer of play to the whole thing 2) I’ve had some partners who didn’t even let me finish! I was getting all into the music and my (very easy) choreography and they were like: “BUT CAN I TOUCH YOU NOW? IS IT OK IF WE JUST DO IT?” Dude don’t kill my vibe.
2. Easy does it.
I love a bit of acrobatic chair. I can balance on chairs with my pelvis, but that doesn’t mean you should be balancing on your partners’ head or doing weird acro stuff on him if you can’t do it, are not confident with it or don’t feel like it. Actually, it’s very likely that even if you’re very good at it, they’ll go like: WTF? IS THAT SAFE? And that’s a turn-off.
Carolina, 26, is a PhD student, visiting lecturer, blogger, writer and pole dancer performer. After a career U-turn that saw her go from PR to academic, Carolina moved to Australia for a MA in Criminology. Here, while trying to heal from an abusive relationship that inspired her novel Bad/Tender, she fell in love with pole dancing and never looked back. On her lifestyle and fitness blog, Blogger On Pole, she talks extensively about how dancing helped her love herself again and take control of her body. Carolina is now back in London permanently, studying cyber-harassment, disinformation and conspiracy theories through her PhD while also actively performing at events, competitions and showcases under the name Hades. Read what they say about her here.