Menopause And Sex Drive – Told By A Menopause Nutritionist

For today’s post, we’re joined by Charlotte Hunter – a menopause nutritionist with an unshakable belief that menopause should be retitled “menostart.” This mantra extends to all areas in menopause, including menopause and sex drive.  

With that in mind, Charlotte’s here to spill the tea and give our readers true insight into menopause and sex drive. From a decreased libido to the hormones behind the dip and what you can do about it, let’s talk about sex in menopause!  

Charlotte Hunter – Menopause Nutritionist 

Hello to all KK members! It’s great to virtually be here.  

My name is Charlotte Hunter and I’ve been a menopause nutritionist for 

decades. In a nutshell, I help women feel better during perimenopause and menopause by combatting their symptoms with personalised nutrition plans.  

You’ll see – and fairly quickly, I believe – that I’m a “no topic is off the table,” kind of woman. That extends to openly communicating about sex in menopause and perimenopause, because it’s such a large part of your life.  

If you’d like daily tips and guidance about menopause and perimenopause as a whole, head over to my Instagram or take a scroll through my blog. 

Menopause And Sex Drive – What’s The Link? 

Menopause and perimenopause brings with it a bunch of symptoms that cause mayhem.  

From hot flushes and night sweats to low mood, lack of sleep, brain fog, panic attacks and general irritability, it’s a testing period of time – to say the least.  

But when it comes to perimenopause, menopause and sex drive – what’s the real deal? 

When it comes to sex in menopause and overall sex drive, there’s no “right or wrong.” Every person will experience perimenopause and menopause differently, and the same extends to how this transition impacts their sex drive.  

While you’ll have undoubtedly heard horror stories about hitting menopause and suddenly becoming drier than the Sahara Desert overnight, some people actually discover that sex is more pleasurable once they officially reach menopause and, as a result, their libido increases.  

However, the same can be true the opposite way around. Many women experience a decline in their menopause-affected libido. With so many symptoms going on at once, it’s completely natural (and fair) for sex to be the last thing on your mind.  

That’s why it’s not a black and white case when it comes to menopause and sex drive. In fact, menopause and perimenopause as a whole come in a huge rainbow of colours, offering a different shade for every single woman.  

Defining Menopause And Perimenopause 

You’ve officially reached menopause when you haven’t had a period or any vaginal bleeding (including spotting) for 12 consecutive months. If you made it until 11 months and then started spotting lightly, the timer restarts.  

While you’re waiting for that to happen but you’re experiencing menopause symptoms, you’re in a transitional phase called perimenopause. This, quite literally, means “around menopause.” 

Perimenopause, on average, lasts around 4 years. However, as we’ve already covered, every woman is different. Perimenopause can last for as little as just a few months to up to a decade!  

How Does Menopause Affect Sex Drive? 

Now that we’ve debunked the idea that every woman is doomed to never want to have sex again, let’s take a look at how menopause affects your sex drive.  

When you’re in perimenopause and menopause, your hormones are knocked off kilter. Suddenly, your hormone production – which had run like clockwork for the most part – for all of your adult life starts to change. In particular, menopause and perimenopause impacts your oestrogen and testosterone levels.  

Oestrogen and testosterone play a huge role in a number of bodily functions (for example, did you know that a change in oestrogen levels can cause a ringing sound in your ear?), including your sex drive.  

As these hormone levels change, people who are in perimenopause and/or menopause may see a change to libido and a change in arousal, too. Your sensitivity towards physical touch may have diminished slightly, which can lead to finding sex – as a whole – disinteresting.  

On top of this, as your oestrogen levels drop, the blood supply to the vagina falls, too. The result can be vaginal dryness, which can actually lead to discomfort and even pain during sex. The good news, though, is that there’s absolutely things you can do about it.  

Other Factors That Impact Sex Drive In Menopause 

Falling oestrogen levels are the main culprit for the vast majority of menopause symptoms. These factors may also be contributing towards a diminished sex drive in menopause and perimenopause:  

• Lack of sleep and insomnia  
• Stress and menopause anxiety  
• Depression and low mood  
• Bladder control issues  
• Health worries  
• Any medications you may be taking 

I Have An Increased Sex Drive In Menopause – Is That Normal?

It’s so important to remember that menopause and perimenopause affects every person differently.  

Some people who are menopausal and post-menopausal find that, now that there’s no anxiety surrounding unplanned pregnancy, they’re able to let go and relax during sex.  

Often, they report that sex has felt more pleasurable due to this lack of anxiety.  

With that in mind, if you have an increased sex drive in menopause, you should know that this is totally safe. My opinion? Embrace it!  

Vaginal Dryness In Menopause 

If you’ve been feeling a touch on the dry side during perimenopause and menopause, you’re not alone.  

Vaginal dryness can be significantly uncomfortable, and many people struggle to voice their discomfort as they feel embarrassed.  

Here’s the thing, though: roughly 17% of people between the ages of 18 and 50 struggle with vaginal dryness during sex. That’s a heap of people. And for some, that’s before perimenopause and menopause takes place. 

With that in mind, if you are suffering with vaginal dryness – whether that’s during sex or not – don’t feel ashamed to voice this discomfort to your GP. They’ll be able to help.  

What Does Vaginal Dryness Feel Like? 

Perhaps you’re not 100% sure about whether you’re experiencing vaginal dryness or not. So, here’s the common symptoms of a dry vagina:  

• Discomfort, pain, tearing and/or bleeding during (or after) sex 
• Burning and itching in the vagina and around the vulva 
• Feeling sore when you’re sitting down or wearing certain items of clothing (eg: jeans)  
• Redness and discharge caused by inflammation  
• Needing to pee more frequently  
• Frequent UTIs – particularly after sex 

It’s important to note that these symptoms aren’t exclusive to menopause and perimenopause. That’s why, if you are experiencing any of them, you should consult a healthcare professional to determine the root cause.  

Does Vaginal Dryness Go Away By Itself? 

Vaginal dryness is one of the more common perimenopause and menopause symptoms. It’s been reported that anywhere between half and three quarters of people who are perimenopausal or menopausal will experience vaginal dryness. 

Vaginal dryness is also one of the symptoms that rarely goes away by itself. That’s why it’s so important to seek treatment for improved comfort during daily life and enhanced pleasure during sex.  

What To Do About Vaginal Dryness In Menopause 

Vaginal dryness is a common culprit in the link between decreased sex drive and menopause.  

While there’s not one specific “fix” for vaginal dryness, there are many options available that your GP can help you with.  

On top of this, there are things you can do at home in order to improve vaginal dryness in menopause and perimenopause.  

1. Invest in a Good Quality Lube for Vaginal Dryness 

Ditch your old lube and shop for a new one. You should opt for water-based lubricants. These lubes will help lessen friction and discomfort during sex by providing much-needed moisture to the vaginal tissues.  

If water-based lube isn’t for you (because it can dry up faster than others), choose a silicone-based product.  

You should avoid any oil-based lubricants, though, as oils can worsen existing irritation and make your vaginal dryness even worse.  

2. Make Sure You’re Drinking Lots of Water 

Drinking water seems like a miracle for so many ailments, and this includes combatting vaginal dryness! 

Hydrating your body will provide relief if you’re suffering with an itchy vagina and contribute towards overall self-lubrication. As you hydrate, your vaginal tissue becomes well lubricated, reducing overall vaginal dryness.  

It’s recommended that you drink at least 8 glasses of water per day.  

Plus, staying well hydrated will also help with other menopause symptoms, such as dry and itchy skin and weight management.  

3. Do Not Use Perfumed Products On Your Vulva  

If you’re using any soaps, creams or oils on your vulva that are perfumed, chuck them in the bin.  

Instead, any soaps and shower gels you’re using should be unperfumed. 

Perfumed products make vaginal dryness worse, which leads to burning, itching and a whole host of frustration. Your skin around your vulva is extremely sensitive and does most of the work itself.  

A natural, fragrance-free body wash or soap will make the world of difference.  

4. Eat Oestrogen-Boosting Foods  

Falling oestrogen levels are, more often than not, the main antagonist when it comes to perimenopause and menopause symptoms. So, you should combat these declining oestrogen levels by consuming foods that level them out. 

Not only will oestrogen-boosting foods help with vaginal dryness but they can also help with most menopause symptoms, including hot flashes, sleep disruption, brain fog and mood swings.  

You should prioritise foods that are rich in soy, such as tofu and soy milk.  

On top of this, make sure you’re consuming flaxseeds, broccoli and kale to aid with vaginal dryness and other menopause symptoms.  

There are so many foods for menopause out there that will completely transform daily life. 

5. Avoid Processed Foods  

Just as there are foods that you should consume during menopause which help reduce your symptoms, there are foods that will make those same symptoms worse.  

Processed foods and anything high in sugar or fat will make vaginal dryness worse, along with many other menopause and perimenopause symptoms.  

This is because they cause more disturbance to your hormone production, make you feel lethargic, cause mayhem to your blood sugar levels and impact your overall health and wellbeing.  

With this in mind, it’s in your best interest to cut out processed, fatty and/or sugary foods. If an entire elimination of these types of food isn’t something you can tolerate, simply cut down and notice the difference.  

6. Prioritise Foreplay And Take Your Time  

Vaginal dryness can often lead to painful or uncomfortable intercourse. If this happens consistently, it’s only natural that your libido will dip. This is simply our body’s fight or flight response in motion.  

That’s why foreplay is even more important in later years. Taking your time and making sure you’re warmed up will help relax you, making sex less painful.  

It’s never too late for your partner to re-learn what you like. That’s why, here at KK, we created our “A Man’s Guide To Foreplay” blog post. (Hit the “share” button and let your partner know!) 

When it comes to the methods on this list to reduce vaginal dryness, this is certainly one of the more exciting ones!  

Make sure that, during foreplay, you and your partner(s) are openly communicating the whole time. Verbalise what does and does not feel good. If speaking feels uncomfortable to you, discuss certain body language cues beforehand.  

The most important thing is that, by communicating openly – whether that’s via words or body language signals – you’re taking the pressure off and allowing you to decipher what feels good to you.  

Never force it. If anything is painful, stop. Take a break or try something else. 

7. When Comfortable, Regular Sex Will Help With Vaginal Dryness 

Vaginas are muscles and, just like any other muscle, they will adapt. While this can be a little daunting for people who have experienced pain during sex more regularly, it’s important to note that you should never force your way through intimacy.  

This point is only applicable if you are not in pain and you’re comfortable doing so. 

After prioritising foreplay and discovering the what, where and how of your arousal, sex and penetration may no longer feel painful. If that’s the case, more sex can actually aid with vaginal dryness!  

Again, make sure you’re communicating openly with your partner(s). And, remember, solo-play also counts!  

Menopause And Sex Drive – In A Nutshell 

When it comes to menopause and sex drive, there’s no right or wrong. For some people, they see a drastic increase in libido during perimenopause and menopause. For others, they see a dip. And, for others still, it may simply stay the same.  

The most important thing to remember is that there is no shame in experiencing a low sex drive in menopause and vaginal dryness.  

While you’re waiting for your appointment with your GP, make sure you’re using a water or silicone-based lubricant, staying hydrated, ditching the perfumed products, eating hormone-balancing foods and making time for foreplay, communicating openly and clearly as you do so.  For more information about perimenopause, menopause and nutrition, head over to my site. There’s a tonne of resources over there. And, if you need a more personalised approach, reach out to me via Instagram.